I'm Gunning For Suzanne Collins

Right now "I've Been Deader" is ranked 96,125 on Amazon.com.   "Hunger Games" by Suzanne Collins is ranked number one.   She's sitting up there, all smug, probably mocking me over a nice Merlot.  But not for long.  

Her book is about some weird post apocalyptic world where young children are sent to participate in something called, big surprise, The Hunger Games.  Ridiculous.

"I've Been Deader" is about a thinking zombie who raises an army of undead and heads out from Newark, New Jersey to Comfort, Colorado, in search of a meteorite lodged in the head of an undead mailman.  Genius.

Hunger Games forces a young lady to fight to the death.  Please.
I've Been Deader has a Magic 8-Ball.  INCREDIBLE!

Hunger Games author Suzanne Collins (if that is even her real name) is written by an author claiming to be a "New York Times Best Selling Author." Pretentious BIT__ (my attempt at avoiding libel)

"I've Been Deader" is written by me, an author more interested in writing than pursuing cheap titles.  PEOPLE PERSON!

So I need you to help me live the dream.  Buy "I've Been Deader" today and become part of something greater than yourself.   Together me can send a message to all the Suzanne Collins of the world.  We will not be a mere throng of consumer lemmings, buying the first book that Amazon tells us is a "best seller."  Buy my novel, not because it's any good or the right thing to do.  Do it to show you won't simply buy whatever someone tells you to.

Show your independence.  http://tinyurl.com/undeadfred

If you're looking for some undead fun, I've Been Deader is now available for download. Make me happy. 

http://tinyurl.com/undeadfred

As I was reading another excellent chapter of "I've Been Deader," a near perfect blend of horror and comedy, I started thinking about why so many people love zombies.  They're disgusting, eat brains, drool all kinds of liquid and aren't the best conversationalists.  Unlike vampires, they don't sparkle, dress well or become emo every six centuries.  Plus, they keep coming back, like in-laws.  

                                                  (Next time we'll stay in a hotel)

So what is it that fascinates us about the shambling undead?  Personally, I think it's because we all have a little zombie in us.  I mean, look at that guy.   Put him in an IKEA or on line in the DMV, and he could be you.

Despite receiving several emails from the Oscars begging me to wait a week to release "I've Been Deader,"  I'm going ahead with publishing.  I understand their concern and I don't want to do anything to compromise Billy Crystal's career, but I don't think it would be fair to make you wait any longer.   You're welcome!

                                                               Sorry Billy!




So warm up your Nooks, Kindles and kishkies and get ready!  

If the pure pleasure of all this undead goodness isn't enough for you, stop by I've Been Deader's Facebook page Friday for the release party (I know there's a dirty joke in there somewhere, but I'm too busy to flush it out right now). 

Release me!

Stick around.  We'll have some fun!

Cover Me

As the release date for "I've Been Deader," a near perfect blend of horror and comedy, draws near, I need to choose a book cover, as well as the selling price.  The former is not too difficult.

(are the brains on the table...?)

The price is a different matter.  Anyone who has self-published knows how cheap virtual readers are when it comes  to debut novels (not you guys, you guys are all generous to a fault; it's those other readers I'm talking about).  Very few novels get downloaded if they sell for more than a buck fifty.   People will spend up to $20.00 on a cheap thrill by the Lincoln Tunnel, but God forbid you ask them to pay $5.00 for a novel that is going to change the entire publishing industry and, dare I say, the world.

(or off the table...?)

I keep hearing stories about some woman who made fourteen billion dollars or something after self-publishing her books, but I don't give the story much credence.  It's like those rumors a few years abo about the McDonald's that sold McRib sandwiches all year long.   Everyone knew someone who was there, but no one ever actually found the place.

In the end, I know I'll have to suck it up and list "I've Been Deader" for .99 cents.   Later, when all my minions have purchased a copy, I'll up the price.  Which is my way of saying, buy early.

"I've Been Deader" gets ready for Kindle!

After discussing with my agent (me) and arguing with my publisher (me), we have finally agreed that the price for downloading "I've Been Deader," a near perfect blend of horror and comedy, will be $4.99. That's American money, not that monopoly money you European lot use to buy bangers and mash.