SOMEONE ELSE WHO ISN'T ME: INTERVIEW WITH TOM GREENWOOD

Hello Splinkervillains!  I was just reading up on the big zombie walk at Asbury Park, October 5th.  Apparently, I'm going to be there!  

But today's post isn't about clicking on "I've Been Deader" or "Inside My Shorts: 30 Quickies."

Today we are here to talk about someone else who isn't me.  Yay.  Nothing I like doing more than using my own blog to help others.  It gives me a warm squishy feeling  deep inside and a little to the left. That's why when I found out Tom Greenwood had written a book I immediately waited several  months and then dashed off to conduct what I think will be the interview of the week, if not the weekend.

Is that Splinker?  I think I see him!

So,  let's  get to it!

Me: First off, have you read “I’ve Been Deader,” and how much did you love it?

Tom G: I have read the start of it, which was as much as was available at the time. This was when it was on a certain website owned by Rupert Murdoch and starts with an ‘A’. And yes although horror isn’t my cup of tea I did enjoy what I read. The humour was my type of humour (mostly).

Me:  Hmm.  In order to truly understand and enjoy my work, you should pay for it.

How did you start your writing career?

Tom G again: 

Oh no! I'm meeting with the publisher and I'm stark naked!

This is a cliché but I had a dream and when I woke up, I thought there was the idea of a book, so the dream became parts of the beginning and the end of my first novel. I just had to flesh out the middle.

 


 

Me: Where do you dream of traveling to and why?

Not Me: I like to visit different places, though I suppose if I were able to travel anywhere, then to other planets (with appropriate life supports) and / or a time machine would be involved.

In Detroit, no one can hear you scream.

 
Me: Does travel play in the writing of your books?

Whatshisname: Yes. The first book is like a road movie, but with dinosaurs. So there’s lots of travel.

Me: Tell us about your current release.

For the unblurry version, click HERE

Tom Greenwood: It is called ‘A slight Mistake in the Code’ which hasn’t always been called that. It is set on a Dyson Sphere (Wikipedia is your friend if you want to find out more) and I don’t want to give too much away but it’s got car chases, exploding helicopters and dinosaurs in. What’s not to like.

Tell us about your next release.

Tom: Once I’ve sold enough books, I’ll release the sequel. The thing is, I keep thinking up ideas for subsequent stories. The problem is they follow on from the previous ones so my first one has to be a success.

 






Me: After reading my works, has there been anyone else in the history of literature that has provided you with even a modicum of inspiration?:

Not Me:   Not really – I suppose yes would be a better answer but the truthful answer is no.

Me:  What was your first sale as an author?

Tom Greenwood: Bizarrely it was to someone called Splinker. Whatever happened to him (truthfully - he bought my book first, I think. If I ever find him once I’m really famous I’ll give him an autographed copy)

Me: I know talent when I see it, which explains why I spend three hours each morning in the bathroom. When in the day/night do you write? How long per day?

Tom G: Whenever I have something I want to get out of my head and onto the computer’s harddrive – though obviously not when I’m at work.

DAMNIT!!

Me: What is the hardest part of writing your books?

When you get stuck and want to continue. The best thing is to leave it, the plot will resolve itself eventually.

 







Me: What does your significant other and family think of your writing career?

Tom: She didn’t know for ages. She couldn’t work out why I was on the computer for so long, but then I confessed. We were on holiday recently and she got a chance to read it and had to finish it.

Then my mother-in-law is going to get her book club to read it. She really liked it. And she’s not my target audience – far from it. I’m not really sure what that proves if anything.

It's just porn!  I wasn't writing, I swear!

Me: Who are your books published with?

Tom Greenwood: McStoryTeller.com

Me: Do you hear from your readers? What kinds of questions do they ask?

Not Me: Not much, not sold enough copies yet. Perhaps I should put a comments thing on my website. That’s quite a good idea. By the time you read this it might be there.

Me: That's me, Mr. Idea man.  Other than zombies, what do you think makes a good story?

Not Me: One that you would want to read. If you want to write, that’s what I would recommend.

Me: And now for the simplest of questions: Plotter or Pantser? Why?

Not Me: Right, I’m not sure I understand the question. I think you’re asking if I plot, or if I write by the seat of my pants. The answer is sometimes I have an end in sight, the problem is when things occur and then sometimes it doesn’t end up where I intended. On one occasion, someone died, I was almost as surprised as the reader will be.

Daddy, why do we always have to do everything that Mr. Floppy wants to do?

Me: Tell us about your family.

Tom: I am married, with two daughters and a rabbit.

 

Me: Other than "I've Been Deader," 
what books have most influenced your life?

Tom: Hmm.  I don't think any have.

Me: What are your favorite TV shows?

 

Not me:  At the moment I am waiting for Sherlock and Dr. Who to return.

I don't even know what we're talking about!

Me: Who?

Not Me: Yes.

Me: So you are waiting for who to return?

Not me: Exactly.

Me: Er...

 






Me: What songs are most played on your Ipod?

Tom: The top songs on my playlist are:

Heartbeat – Scouting for Girls

Wuthering Heights – Kate Bush

Club Country – The Associates

The Road to Hell (parts 1 & 2) – Chris Rea

Human – The Killers

Losing my religion – REM

I’m not sure what that says about me.

Me: Keeping in mind that there are already way too many of us to make a decent living, Do you have any suggestions for beginning writers? If so, what are they?

Tom: 

1)   Read lots

2)   Write the story you would want to read

3)   Come up with a unique slant

Me: I've heard rumors that many writers who are not me sometimes get a bad review.  How do you react to a bad review of your book?

Not Me: 

I’ve not had that opportunity yet. I suspect I’ll sulk.

 Me: Who should play you in a film of your life?

Not Me: Apparently I look like the President of Afghanistan so perhaps him, or Dr. Evil.
 

Allah, Allah Oxen Free!

Me: What is the next big thing?

Tom: Duh! – Dyson Spheres – they’re very big

Me: Describe what it’s like to be an author in three words.

Not Me: Fun, frustrating and (oops that’s three)

Me: Use no more than two sentences. Why should we read your book?

Not Me: Because I think you will enjoy it. There did it in one.

Me: Ha! That's two!

 

Me: Is there one passage in your book that you feel gets to the heart of your book and would encourage people to read it? If so, can you share it?

Tom: I like the following…

“Oh shit, oh shit. Bugger!”

“What?”

“You’re coming off on a sodding quest with me.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’ve a good mind to take you home now for all … Listen if we see a magic sword, we don’t touch it.”

Janol just stared at Onnil. What was she talking about? Magic swords!

“Oh no,” she was almost crying. “I’m the mentor. I’ve become a cliché.”

Someone has been reading too many books.

Me: CNN just did a report on this thing called the "internet." Do you have a Website or Blog?

Tom G.: Yes to both – website www.aslightmistakeinthecode.com (you can read the first 20% for free and lots of short stories – read Cryo it’s quite funny). And a blog at

http://mcvoices.weebly.com/tom-greenwoods-blog.html

Me: What question do you wish was on the list? Your answer?

Not Me: "Have you put anything in your books that will stop you getting an OBE or an MBE?" Answer – Yes I reference this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prince_Philip_Movement.

Me: That's it.  This interview is over!

ABORT!  ABORT!

Not Me: If you want to read some of my work, then see me website or some of my short stories are on the McVoices website. But here’s something to enjoy.

The Bin Day Code

There is something to be said for having lots of time on your hand, not needing a job and having, yes I am aware of them, slight mental health issues of the compulsive sort. The thing is, once you get the idea in your head to do something no matter how absurd it is then really there’s no stopping you. You just sort of can’t.

My latest obsession was with Bin Day.

Where I live we get our bins emptied on a Monday, weekly, but what about elsewhere? Are there weekend emptyings? Do certain days predominate? This sort of thing needed research. And I decided I was the person to do it.

I should point out, for the purposes of this exercise I treated fortnightly liftings as weekly. I took note of them for subsequent analysis you realise but fortnightly emptyings on a Monday are just Mondays.

Now even with the wonderous interweb in all of its glorious pages, there is not a lot of information on which postcodes get their bins emptied on which day. For that sort of information you have to write to the councils directly.

Dear Sir I am a Post-graduate student studying recycling blah-de-blah-de-blah, you get the drift.

So wait a few weeks and the replies start coming in from the councils. A wealth of information, not just on bin days but on glass recycling days, biodegradables and so on. Lots of information to catalogue and cross-reference. Then with a large blank map of Great Britain, printed from the internet, on several pieces of A4, I start colouring in the areas according to bin-day, making sure I got all those tiny little areas in just the right place. Yes I know I missed out Northern Ireland, but because it shares the island of Ireland with the Republic, I was saving that for future research.

So blue for Monday, green for Tuesday, yellow for Wednesday was a bit faint, so I made it orange, purple of Thursday and red for Friday. Well I thought I could be line for the Turner Prize, I think that’s what its called you know that arty-farty art prize for painting with elephant dung or dead cows. My work could show our obsession with recycling or how artwork can be created out of raw information. You can make up any justification for any piece of piss and sometimes the entries are piss. I wonder if anyone has done that? Entered some piss because all the entries are piss. They ignored my previous artwork by the way, my origami jungle. It took me months to finish that.

I’m off the subject aren’t I, so I was about halfway through it when I started to notice a pattern. The annoying thing was the councils in the North of England were a bit slow to reply. Scotland and South of England, they were on the ball, but North of England, weeks behind. Eventually though, enough of them had managed to reply. I’ll bet you’re glad to know that your rates are being spent on such useful things as to replying to pretend recycling students. Not the recycling of students but students of recycling just so you’re sure about that. I’m going off the subject again aren’t I?

Anyway once I had finished, and I had to deliberately not look until I was finished, you can do that if you’re obsessive, most people can’t, but I can. Anyway once I was finished I put the map sideways on the wall, the only way it would fit. Only the colours weren’t random, what had appeared on my map was a message. Written across my wall was the multi-hued message ‘God woz ‘ere’.

Me: Sorry Tom, I ran out of ink.  But thanks for stopping by!  If you are one of those people who still read, you could do a lot worse than Mr. Greenwood.

Please, comment, purchase, comment, and purchase.  

WARNING:  CLICKING HERE WILL NOT TAKE YOU TO "I'VE BEEN DEADER"

SOMEONE ELSE WHO ISN'T ME!: INTERVIEW WITH CHARLES LARCH

Hello Splinkervillains!  Today is September something, almost nine months to the day I stopped blogging due to a massive heart attack and a new season of "Wipe Out."  But I'm back!  And do I get to blog about my life? My pain and triumphs?  No.  Instead Charles Larch has bullied me into promoting his latest book through this sham interview.  

God forbid anyone takes a minute to praise "I've Been Deader".  Did any of you ever once think to include my book in one of your bull sessions?  Or even offer me a lousy cup of coffee?

But I'm not bitter!  I'm a giver!  So let's get to it.

 

                                                Just a reminder that this isn't about me. (click)




Welcome Mr. Larch!  Despite your tendency to complete novels and write well, two qualities I despise in other writers, you remain one of my favorite authors and I am thrilled to have you here.  So let's get to it!


Me: First off, have you read "I've Been Deader" and how much did you love it? 

Not Me: Yes, and this much. Can you see my hands? 
 

Me: How did you start your writing career?

Not Me: Kindergarten. They made me.
 

 I hate my agent!










Me: So that's why you write everything in fingerpaint!  Where do you dream of traveling to and why?

Not Me: Everywhere. I want the whole world to be one big country where they give free airplane rides that are not like roller coasters.

Me: Without resorting to disgusting double entendre, tell us about your current release.

Not Me: Towers of Dust is about a handful of people left behind on Earth after the population is warned of impending disaster. The disaster never happens, the population that left never returns and the remaining people come together to form a new society on Earth.

                                  Click here for a free iPhone!

Me:  Sounds like an idea worth stealing.  Tell us about your next release, but wait at least 20 minutes.

Not me:  My next release is 'Towers of Dust - A New Generation' that begins twenty years after the end never came. New leaders are chosen, babies are born, and someone returns who was gone. Also, there may be a little alien action.

"After chapter six, I really get the urge to light one up."




Me: Other than me, has someone been instrumental in inspiring you as a writer?

Not Me: Everyone who has ever said, "Hey, you are pretty good. You should be a writer."

Me: What was your first sale as an author?

Not me:  The first book I ever sold was Euneria, a fantasy novel of short, really short, sometimes humorous stories.

No, Euneria is not a woman's naughty part!


















Me: Many writers have told me that they spend to much time reading my posts and not enough time working on their novel.  What is the hardest part of writing your books?

Not Me: Not stopping to work on a different book. Or when people make noise. Or when random thoughts pop into my head that have nothing to do with my writing. Or trying to hold my pee longer than I should. Or hunger. Or worrying about stuff. Or when my son has gas.

Me Again: What was one of the most surprising things you learned while writing your books?

Not Me: That other people liked reading them.  

Not Me -- I mean "ME": How do you describe your writing style?

Not Me: I am pretty organic in my writing. Whatever way it wants to come out, that is the way I write.

Me: Do you hear from your readers? What kinds of questions do they ask? Are they more annoying than family at the holidays?

Not Me: Yes, usually when I kill a character. They get pretty upset when I do that.

Your font is too damn small!  Pass the gravy!!













Me: Plotter or Pantser? Why?

Not Me: Seat of the pantser. Although, I could plot if I hadda. It takes so much time to outline, I get weary of the story by then. If I don't plan, I don't know what's coming and that is kinda exciting.

Me: Tell us about your family.

Not Me: Nooooo.

Me: I'll never forget when the Fonze jumped the shark.  I still wake up screaming some nights.  What was the scariest moment of your life?

Not Me: Every moment of my life is scary to me.

Me:  Now for the hard hitting questions.  What are your favorite TV shows?

Not Me: Walking Dead and Big Bang Theory.

Me: Do you play any sports?

Not Me: Only if you count golf and bowling.

Me:  Any advice for beginning writers?  Before you say anything, keep in mind that they are essentially after your job.

Not Me: If someone tells you not to do something, don't listen. I mean, you may fail when you try something new, but if nobody ever tried, writing would never evolve.

Me: Nice going Einstein.  If you could apologize to someone in your past, who would it be?

Not Me: A dear friend who is no longer living.

Me: At what point in your life did you realize you wanted to be a writer?

Not Me: I don't want to be a writer.

Me: How do you react to a bad review of your book?

Not Me: Not everyone in the world likes tomatoes, so why would I think everyone will like my book? If someone doesn't like it, he or she was obviously not my target reader.

                              "Oh God, there's a sequel??"

Me: Man, is this interview dragging.  What makes you happy?

Not Me: People being nice to me. That doesn't happen as often as it should.

Me: Great.  Now I feel like a jerk.  Where are your fans most likely to find you?

Me:  Where are your fans most likely to find you hanging out?

Not Me: I thought the whole point of having a pen name was that nobody could find me.

Me: Entice us, what future projects are you considering?

Not Me:I can't tell you.

Me:  So now I have to come up with my own idea for my next project.  Thanks a lot.  What is something people would be surprised to know about you?

Not Me: I have never been in jail. Apparently I look like I should be.

Me: Do you have anything specific that you want to say to your readers?

Not Me: Don't read stuff into my book. I am not that deep.

Me:  That's it!

Thank you for stopping by.  The complete works of Charles Larch can be found  on Amazon.com and Amazon.uk.com and probably a few other places he doesn't want to talk about.  Check out his books and enjoy the ride.  You could do a lot worse!