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Keep your eyes open for my upcoming book "144k: The first 144,000 Fun-Filled Minutes of Trump." (Title a work in progress and copyrighted, patent pending; reuse of this title or anything contained herein may result in tiny twinges of guilt.)
DAY 88!: Trump has still not released his tax returns. As Uncle Ralph routinely points out, no one but me cares about this. That's why I was in more than 150 "Tax Day" marches yesterday. In addition to the thousands of me that turned out for the dozens and dozens marches calling for Trump to do what he promised to do, the President himself apparently cares about this issue. Just in a different way. When Donald turned on the Television and saw that the people he represents wanted him to show a little transparency love, Trump tweeted that he won the election and that the people marching should "get over it." Then he called for them to be investigated. Because DEMOCRACY!
At a time when we are maybe taking a stand against authoritarian regimes (Syria, N.Korea, Russia), Trump had the chance to praise our democratic process. Instead, he choose to call for citizens to be investigated, and recommended a joke book about why people vote for Democrats. That is our president.
I WORK HARD!
"If you're in the White House, who wants to take a vacation... when there's so much work to be done? You're in the White House. What's better than the White House? Why these vacations?"
|AN A-HOLE IN ONE!|
I think we've had about 14 weekends of Trump. That's almost two full dog years. In that time, the President has left the White House for Mar-a-Largo on 8 weekends, and calling it "The Southern White House" doesn't solve the problem.
And the President plays golf like a man trying to get away from three wives.
The only real conclusion you can reach is that Trump exploits the presidency for personal gains. Now, Uncle Ralph, just shut up for a second and listen. The President flies, on our dime, to his own properties. When he does that, all the security and other bullshit have to pay to stay. Additionally, he has club members now paying $200,000 to join and gain a bit of access to Trump.
Every time Trump goes to play golf at his properties, we pay $3,300,000.00 The president spends your money to conduct government business, while promoting his family's business.
THE GREAT CHINA HOAX
Let's face it. If you voted for Trump, there's a fair chance you did so with a bit of racism in your heart. When historians look back on the election, a fair amount of them are going to conclude that Trump won the election not because of Jobs, Income Inequality, Coal, or Security. He won because of racism. Now, I can already hear Uncle Ralph calling me a Islamic loving, closet porch monkey. But that's just the way it is. I know it's fashionable to see that Democrats "just don't get it," but we do. It's racism. And racism isn't going away.
Just ask all those little yellow devils we're now bestest friends with!
Candidate Trump assured us that China was raping America, that they were currency manipulators, that no one understood China better than him. He promised (I'm guessing on "Day One") to start solving the China raping America problem, by making sure we started winning by making sure there was no more trade deficit between the U.S. and it's largest trading partner.
Okay. Even then, anyone who felt like paying attention knew Trump was full of chop suey on the currency manipulator thing. He promised to label China a currency manipulator on Day One. But on Day 86, he said no way was China a currency manipulator. Trump's 180 on this issue was done partly because he's an idiot and partly because he's an idiot.
Currency manipulation basically means that your country is depressing the value of it's currency. When it does this, it makes things that your country makes cheaper to export. And helps you land on the right side of trading deficits. Trump was telling us that China's manipulation of currency was a major reason why we were getting raped on trade.
But months and months and months earlier, China had already stopped this practice. So, that's the first China Hoax. Trump pretending they were manipulating currency.
The other Chinese Hoax is CLIMATE CHANGE! In Trump's head, and in the mind of Uncle Ralph, Climate Change is a ploy to help China keep raping America on trade. That's why Trump has been doing everything he can to repeal any law that protects our water, air, and children. I'm sure we've all read the executive orders allowing the coal industry to more easily pollute our water, the proposed budget cuts to the EPA, the false promises of clean coal and the loosening of regulations to allow energy companies to drill on federal lands.
And now, we have the Paris Climate Accord. The little agreement.
It appears that Trump's promise to tear up the Accord on "Day One" is meeting some unlikely resistance. And it's coming from Exxon, Shell and Ivanka!
The White House is discussing whether to pull out of the accord, and that discussion is taking place tomorrow. The energy companies are pointing out to Trump that carbon emissions are at a 20-year low, due in large part to increased use of natural gas. That's code for "MORE FRACKING," but let's take one disaster at a time.
BP is also on board with the Paris Accord.
And Ivanka, Jared and Tillerson are also on the pro Paris Accord train. With all those guys and gal lobbying to keep us in the agreement, how can we lose?
Well, Bannon and EPA douchebag Scott Pruitt want out. Take a moment to enjoy an apocalyptic chuckle over our EPA Administrator fighting to get out of the Paris Accord and Rex Tillerson and Exxon fighting to stay in.
FUN FACTS: Clean, renewable energy already provides for 13.5% of U.S. electricity (as of 2015). As of 2014, the solar industry alone employed 143,000 Americans. It doesn't take an economist to conclude that clean, renewable energy technologies can contribute significantly to the American job market. But if it did take an economist, you could certainly find a lot of them.
The problem may be that a lot of these industries are in states that gave Trump the finger during the election. If Trump is the kind of guy who holds a grudge, or the kind of politician who will put country second, we might have something to worry about. But hey, no one thinks Trump is really that kind of guy, right?
|Spicer is in charge of the glory hole at the Trump Easter After Party!|
A little boy gave Trump a hat to sign. Trump signed the hat and, forgetting where he was, tossed the hat into the audience.
This doesn't mean anything, except as further proof that Trump is a bit of a dick on even a subconscious level.
THAT'S IT. No spy stuff today. There are a few interesting reports making their way down the liberal conspiracy media chain, but nothing that SplinkerNewsMax feels comfortable with commenting on. Because, here at SplinkerNewsMax, journalistic integrity is everything.
Oh wait! I almost forgot about Alex Jones! He's the guy who runs "Infowars," a righty right wing nutjob conspiracy site. Alex alleges the Sandy Hook shooting was all an act, that actual aliens are invading our government, and that the moon landing was staged. Now his ex is calling him out on his lunacy. She's suing for custody, citing these actions, as well as his calling for the assassination of Democrat Congressman Adam Schiff, as making Alex unfit to raise the children. Alex's defense is that his show is all showmanship. That it's entertainment and doesn't reflect how he really feels or behaves.
Someone should tell The Don. The interview starts about five minutes into the clip. Enjoy!
Oh, and the phrase you're looking for is "Jesus Fucking Christ!"