Day 72: Trump's Seder

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Keep your eyes open for my upcoming book "144k: The first 144,000 Fun-Filled Minutes of Trump." (Title a work in progress and copyrighted, patent pending;  reuse of this title or anything contained herein may result in tiny twinges of guilt.)

DAY 72: Donald Trump still has not released his tax returns.  When asked if the president planned on releasing his 2016 tax returns after April 15, Sean Spicer started speaking in tongues and eventually blamed the media for Trump's lack of interest in transparency.  

SplinkerNewsMax can now confirm that, less than three months into this administration, our crack team of intelligence analysts, using all available recorded media of the press secretary AND the president, have been able to make more than 17 complete and perfectly understandable sentences.

The Job Killer:

President Trump remains determined to leave office before 2018. 

In the spirit of passover, let's review the many executive job killing actions the president and his team have taken to date:

DAYENU!!

1. Trump radically politicised our intelligence agencies by (apparently) using them to find information that would back up his lie that Obama wiretapped him.  Then he gave that information to Devin Nunes, told him to do two laps around the press, come back to the White House, and give Trump the information again.  Forget about Nunes and his quest to kill an investigation into the Russian/Trump hacking of the election.  Imagine if Obama had done just this much. 

Had he given us only this one gift, it would have been enough.  Dayenu!

2. Trump engaged in a series of lies, resulting in compromising the presidency and making virtually everything he does, a conflict of interest.  He did not remove himself from the business, as he promised.  He did not even engage in the fiction of turning over all the business to his children. What he did do was bring his daughter and son-in-law into the administration, we can only assume because the president felt he was unable to commit massive unethical violations on a daily basis on his own.

Ivanka still has a multi-million dollar interest in the Washington Hotel, and Trump still benefits from the same hotel, as it will make money hand over fist, and thus pay off the mortgage easy peasy.  

Eric Trump disclosed to Forbes that he will be discussing family business with his father several times a year, at least.  Imagine if Obama had done just this much.

Had he given us only this one gift, it would have been enough. Dayenu!

3. The President is the subject of a criminal investigation into his relationship with Putin, the man who committed an act of war against the U.S. by influencing the election in order to help Trump win. When Trump's extremely vetted disgraced National Security Advisor, Michael Flynn asked for immunity in exchange for testifying before the intelligence committee, Trump, a central figure in that investigation, jumped right in and tweeted that Flynn should do it, because the investigations are only a "witch hunt."  As recently as an hour ago, the president blamed fake media for the Russian Ruse.  

The twetting actions may not have been illegal.  But imagine if Obama had done just this much.

Had he given us only this one gift, it would have been enough. Dayenu!

4. Trump again suggested that we change the libel laws to allow him to sue publications like the failing New York Times for attacking him.  In the past, he's made fun of disabled journalists, called the media FAKE NEWS and "the enemy of the people."  No politician loves the media, but like most authoritarians and dictators, Trump has done everything in his power to demonize the free press and disable the institution, Constitution be damnned. Imagine if Obama had done just this much. 

Had he given us only this one gift, it would have been enough. Dayenu!

5. The president and Pence, who convinced us that we need "extreme vetting," dropped the ball when it comes to his cabinet. Michael Flynn had a reputation for being a complete fuckup when it came to running anything other than his mouth.  He was paid to attend a Russian TV dinner (Salisbury steak and vodka?), and was a secret paid foreign agent/lobbyist for Turkey.  That's the guy Trump wanted as our National Security Advisor.  And Pence led point in running the transition team.  Imagine if Obama had done just this much. 

Had he given us only this one gift, it would have been enough. Dayenu!

6. In a recent interview on the O'Reilly Factor, the president again defended Putin. That sobered O'Reilly up enough that he asked a follow up question, and reminded Trump that Putin is a killer.  Trump's infamous response was "lots of people are killers.  What, you think we're so innocent?"  Either this was an admission that Trump has also had journalists and political opponents murdered, or it was simply another example of Trump's unbridled lust for eastern Europeans. Imagine if Obama had done just this much.  

Had he given us only this one gift, it would have been enough. Dayenu!

7. After installing an unvetted national security adviser, Trump held a few dinner meetings at Mar-A-Largo, where he discussed a few casual things - like a North Korean missile launch.  People took pictures of the meeting and uploaded them on the completely secure and heavily encrypted data collection system called "Instagram."  Imagine if Obama had done just this much. 

Had he given us only this one gift, it would have been enough. Dayenu!

D--Day--hic -- Dayenu!

There are several more stanzas to this new Hagaddah, but as any Jew will tell you, by this point in the Seder, we've had a bit too much to drink, and traditionally we get a little hazy here and start skipping verses.  

That's it!

It's 12:39 p.m.

Mazel tov!

#144k

#flynnghazi

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