Sunday, October 9, 2016


Trump surrogates and Trump himself are trying to defend his comments, where he brags about his history of sexually assaulting women, by arguing that other people have said this or worse, and therefore we should not let his words stop us from voting for him.

I am a father of two daughters. The brother of one sister. The ex-husband of one spouse. I have a mother. So I'm trying to imagine what I would say to any of them, or to anyone else, if I was a Trump supporter.

I can't say "other people have said worse." That would just make me look like an idiot. I have a friend who says we need spics to cut our lawns. I know someone who says black people are animals.

If either of these two wanted to represent this country, would I defend them by saying there are people who use the word 'nigger' or people who believe all Hispanic women are whores? Would I be able to use that defense in a discussion with a black friend, or a Hispanic relative? No. I would not.

How would I tell my daughter that it is okay to elect a man who brags about sexually assaulting women as his birthright? Because he's a 'star'?

Can I say, "oh, it was a long time ago. He's not like that now?' No, I can't. First, 2005 was not a long time ago. What it was, though, was a long time after the establishment of equal rights for women, and the passing of laws against sexual discrimination. 2005 was yesterday. And you only have to go back less than one week in the news, to see that Mr. Trump has not changed. Whether it is his fat shaming of Ms. Universe, or Monday's article about Trump asking male Apprentice contestants if they would fuck female Apprentice contestants.

Tuesday, August 9, 2016


Are you a writer?  Are you a good writer? Are you a writer who writes flash fiction?  Do you want to make money doing it?   Then ignore that last question, and come play on the original Friday Flash Fiction competition!

Every week we'll have a new contest.  Everyone is given a word prompt on Tuesday, or Wednesday if I overslept, and they have until Friday to submit a 1,000 word or less piece of flash.  We vote over the weekend, and the winner gets bragging rights! Side bets are both illegal and encouraged. 

"No, I'll TELL you a story!"

"What's the catch," you ask?  Like I'm going to tell you.  Just click on the link below, sign up here:  RIGHT HERE!

Writing flash is fun, and a guaranteed way to overcome writer's block, start best selling novels, lose weight, and influence people! 

We'll start as soon as we have, let's say, seven people.  Unless we decide to start with less.  But hurry, this contest is limited to an unspecified number of people. 

Good luck!

Remember, Keep it short!

Saturday, August 6, 2016


Welcome to the news blog that isn't afraid to say what others have said, after making sure no one got in trouble for saying it.  SplinkerNewsMax is not owned by any major media corporation, although we are willing to entertain offers.

Donald Trump had a fantastic week last week.  Really, really great.  They are the only kinds of weeks he has. Incredible, really.  Unbelievable (literally).

Not many of you know this, but Trump did a bunch of stupid stuff, probably as we at SplinkerNewsMax are reporting this story.  But the stupid stuff we want to talk about today is pornography.  Now, no one likes pornography more than me.  Just take a look at that sock puppet.  That ain't no hand in there!  But when Slovakian immigrants, come into our country and illegally engage in  pornographic shoots, taking money away from hard working American fluffers and tastefully collared lesbians, someone has to say something.

"A girl's gotta eat! But if you want to watch, it'll cost you extra!

But tonight, we're not going to discuss the fact that Donald probably married an illegal immigrant, who may have her citizenship revoked at any second.  (At least, this is what a lot of people are saying, what do I know).  Tonight, we're going to discuss First Lady Standards.

Let's start with a little perspective.  Our current first lady, Michelle Secret Muslim Obama, had graduated from Harvard Law and was working in a Chicago law firm, by the time she was 25.  Prior to that, when she was an undergraduate at Princeton (back when black Princeton chicks were a dime a dozen, no doubt), she was involved with the Carl A. Fields Center, an academic and cultural group that supported minority students, running their day care center, which also included after school tutoring (Wikipedia).  

But what she is most remembered for, is her blatant and perverse sexual nature which manifested itself in sleeveless dresses, to the horror of a nation.


Before Michelle, there was Laura Bush.  Sure, she killed a guy before she was twenty, but by twenty-five Mrs. Bush was pursuing a career teaching 2nd Grade.  Good for her!

"Later, I taught your president how to read!"

Before Laura, there was future President Hillary Clinton.  By the time she was twenty-five, Hillary had already had three people killed!  And yet she still found time to graduate from Yale Law School, and serve as a congressional legal counsel a year later! 

"My name is Hillary Rodham Clinton. See? I can tell the truth!"

To sum up, the last three first ladies were two lawyers and a teacher.  I can't remember who was president before Clinton, but I'm sure that first lady was doing something perfectly respectable at the age of twenty-five.

Now, in his race against rampant syphilis, Donald Trump is trying to get elected to the White House.  Will he build a wall or just color with crayons?  Will he deport everyone who isn't him, or will he emigrate to Russia and play hide the football with Putin?  Who knows!? 

But if he were to get elected, we should all remember what the future first lady was doing when SHE was twenty-five:

Her hands were bigger than Donald's!
When she was twenty-five, Melania Hump was doing pornography for 'Pepee Le Pew,' a French Men's magazine.  She is the one on the right. Obviously, she's had plastic surgery on her face and, I hope, on those birth defects that made her nipples all blurry. Now, I'm not saying she was a whore or a prostitute, although I think some people are saying that.  I mean, I've heard some very smart people say that.  And I don't think she should feel ashamed because she posed for filthy pictures in exchange money. Maybe she should be ashamed for posing as Threat Level Orange's wife in exchange for money, but that's the subject of another article. 

I do believe, however, that if you are going to make your money doing pornographic shoots (and in 1995, this shit was pure jack off material), you should go in, or go down or whatever, with the understanding that it is going to kill your chances of being President or First Lady of the United States! 

Do you disagree?  What if I told you the other woman in this picture is wearing a Donald-sized strap-on?  Would that change your mind?  I mean, I know this isn't quite as bad as the sleeveless Michelle scandal, but at what point do we say, "Enough!"? 

God Almighty! It's like fuckin Soddom and Gemorrah here!