Thursday, March 23, 2017

DAY 63: STAY HEALTHY OR ELSE! The First 144K Minutes of Trump

Welcome to SPLINKERNEWSMAX, the news blog that isn't afraid to say what others have said, after making sure no one got in trouble for saying it.  SplinkerNewsMax is not owned by any major media corporation, although we are willing to entertain offers.

Keep your eyes open for my upcoming book "144k: The first 144,000 Fun-Filled Minutes of Trump." (Title a work in progress and copyrighted, patent pending;  reuse of this title or anything contained herein may result in tiny twinges of guilt.)

DAY 63: Donald Trump still has not released his tax returns, although the likelihood of doing so via subpoena increased quite a bit since yesterday.


It was a dark and stormy night, sometime in the early eighties.  I was sitting in my hunky-dory friend, Joanne Sachs bedroom.  One thing led to another, and well, we started talking about a book she was reading for class. (Get your minds out of the gutter!)  

Unlike almost any other straight college man in America, I actually paid attention to what she was saying.  I don't remember the title (It was about 35 years ago and I'm not THAT nerdy), but the story took place in the future and it was about people dying from a disease called "information sickness." They were exposed to so much information in the future, that some ended up convulsing in the streets.  That book might just be the most prophetic bit of writing since Trump's declaration that he is the new Oracle for the 21st century (more on that later).  

I believe, nay, I KNOW, we are living in that forgotten book.  Admittedly, I remember there being something about a sentient dolphin that mates with one of the characters, so it's a bit of hit and miss. But you get the idea.

I want to help you in the fight against information sickness.  I cover a lot of issues in this blog, and the book will delve into them a lot more.  Just writing this blog is proving to be an overwhelming task.  Sometimes it takes me almost a half hour! I imagine reading all of it, plus reading real news, is also overwhelming.  So let me help.  If you feel like you're losing the plot, just remember...

Every single thing Trump and his surrogates do from this point on will be intentionally designed to distract the world from his collusion with Russia.


ISIS has claimed responsibility for yesterdays terrorist attack that left at least five people dead in front of Britain's Parliament. Fuck ISIS.  I hate them.  I know that's a bold political stance, but it's true. Life is full of shit storms and ISIS is one of those storms.  My heart goes out to the victims and the families.

Among other things, yesterday's attack was a brutal reminder that our president promised to end ISIS "very, very quickly." How was he going to do this? He had a SECRET PLAN.  What kind of plan can defeat a man with a truck and a knife, we don't know yet.  Because the plan is SO SECRET, that we can't even tell our allies.


SPOILER ALERT: We will continue to do what Obama did: use military force; identify and intercept (a/k/a drone strike) terrorist fighters who go to Syria from other countries; target ISIS's finances; work to counter ISIS propaganda (something Trump is failing miserably at); and stabilize any place that ISIS is forced to abandon. 
SNAPPLE FACT: Safe Zones require a much larger military presence and they increase the possibility of a clash with Trump's Russian friends, who have been having several sleepover's at Assad's Mom's.  
Trump's secret plan so far seems to be keep doing what Obama did.  The fact is, Trump is already failing in keeping a promise that was a pillar of his campaign - taking immediate steps to defeat ISIS and to do it quickly and bigly.
I apologize in advance for dwelling on this.  I know we talk about it every day, but that is only because a lot of shit happens regarding Russia every day.  You think I don't want to simply double up on Xanax and watch "Miracle on Ice?"  (Suck on that, Russia!)  
ReMember berries!
In the last 24 hours, we learned:
1. Trump's campaign manager, Paul Manafort, was paid tens of millions of dollars  for secret work he did for a Russian billionaire. What kind of work? Why, it was a plan to "greatly benefit the Putin Government." 
Manafort proposed back in June 2005, that he would influence politics, business dealings and news coverage inside the United States, Europe and former Soviet republics to benefit President Vladimir Putin's government. This occurred as U.S.-Russia relations under President Bush grew worse.

"We are now of the belief that this model can greatly benefit the Putin Government if employed at the correct levels with the appropriate commitment to success."
                                                                                               - Paul Manafort

I want to spend a lot of time connecting dots again, but I won't.  Not today.  Just remember that there was no reason whatsoever for Trump to hire Manafort.  It never made sense.  Of course, now it does.  

FUN FACT: Manafort generously agreed to run Trump's campaign for free!  Press Secretary Melisa McCarthy said that Manafort was hardly involved in Trump's campaign, but former campaign manager, Corey "Nationalist Suckup" Lewandowsky might disagree.

2. The FBI, currently conducting a criminal investigation into Trump's ties to Putin during and after the election, has information that indicates associates of President Donald Trump communicated with suspected Russian operatives to possibly coordinate the release of information damaging to Hillary Clinton's campaign.  This is according to fake news CNN, though.  The new evidence consists of travel records, telephone conversations and other hard records which are a bit more than circumstantial evidence.  (And circumstantial evidence is not exactly small potatoes to begin with).

SNAPPLE FACT: CNN is NOT fake news!

At this point, anyone who knows anything about these types of investigations, knows that you don't get this much information, without there being a very good chance that there is going to be a LOT more soon. This is a big deal.  Two days ago, I knew Trump had colluded with Russia, but I didn't believe an investigation would reach that conclusion.  Now...

3. Congressman and Trump errand boy, Nunez held two press conferences yesterday.  He said he was troubled by something that he couldn't tell us about, but that it had to do with incidental information gathered about the president, the "not the president," the "maybe the president" and the "possibly members of the President's transition team."  

A few things about this: 

First, this isn't exactly news.  If you talk to a Russian spy or operative, or even if a Russian operative simply mentions your name on the phone, our intelligence agencies are likely to hear it.  If you are me or you, our names will remain "masked."  The intelligence reports will say "Citizen 1 told Ambassador dirty knock knock jokes.  If, however, you are someone like the president elect or his national security adviser, then it is highly likely that your name is necessary to keep in the report in order to provide context.  For example, if I receive an intelligence report that says "Citizen 1 spoke to Russian ambassador about lifting sanctions," the report is largely useless to me.  I need to know that Citizen 1 is Michael Flynn, Trump's National Security Adviser, a/k/a the guy Russia paid to visit them, a/k/a the paid Turkey lobbyist. 

Second, Nunez is the Republican Chairperson of the House Intelligence Committee. That's the Committee in charge of one of the main investigations of the President's probable - okay, possible - (okay, definite) collusion with the Russian government in hacking the election.  The Democrat chairperson is Adam Schiff.  Nunez did not let Schiff know about this alleged information.  Instead, our errand boy ran to Trump with the "troubling information." This gave Trump the opportunity to lie again, and say he feels somewhat vindicated after hearing this "troubling information."  Nunez, the guy in charge of conducting an impartial investigation of the President (Hey, did you know Nunez was part of Trump's transition team? It's funny 'cause it's true!), ran to Trump.

Third, a few days ago, maybe a week ago, Trump went on Fox (shocking) and said he was going to provide information to the intelligence committees that would prove him right.  Gee. Do you think this is how Nunez got his "troubling information."  We don't know, but if it turns out that Trump had this information given to Nunez, so that Nunez could give it back to him, that will be the daily "No Shit Sherlock" moment.

Nunez had basically turned the House intelligence committee's investigation into a farce, dramatically increased the demand for an independent special commission, and basically added a layer to the shit sandwich that Trump will soon have to eat.  So, thank you for that Nunez.

(Nunez apparently apologized to his committee for his stupidity yesterday.  I doubt that's going to satisfy Adam Schiff.  Or Adam Sifre, for that matter.

Dammit.  I'm out of time and I haven't even gotten to the pending vote on repealing Obamacare.  As of right now, the Republicans don't have enough votes, but we'll see.  Trump is betting the rest of his political capital on the healthcare bill that he hasn't read, doesn't know, but continues to sell.

Anyway, that's about it for - 

Shit.  I forgot about the Time interview Trump gave yesterday, where he defended every lie he has told, from Inauguration size, to 3,000,000 illegal votes, to Obama committing all kinds of Watergate on him, to etc. etc. etc.  Read the article.  You'll learn that Trump believes he is a great predictor and that the world should trust him, because whatever he speaks comes to pass.  That's not hyperbole.  That's pretty much what he says.  

"I want to be BIGLY"

That's it for today.  Jesus.
It's 12:11 p.m.
Good morning!

Wednesday, March 22, 2017


Welcome to SPLINKERNEWSMAX, the news blog that isn't afraid to say what others have said, after making sure no one got in trouble for saying it.  SplinkerNewsMax is not owned by any major media corporation, although we are willing to entertain offers.

DAY 62: 

Trump has still not released his tax returns, and he remains the subject of a criminal investigation into possible collusion between his campaign and Russia in hacking the 2016 election. In the spirit of polezniye duraki (useful idiot), I'll be posting Easter egg quotes throughout today's post.  See how many you can spot!

Russia, Russia, RUSSIA!
 “All I’m saying is that [Hillary] is under investigation by the FBI. Just pause and think about that. That’s not, that’s a pretty uncommon thing for a presidential candidate. And each and every week it just seems like there’s more information.”
          - Jeb Bush


The Inter-American Commission on Human Rights (IACHR) meets in Washington, D.C. today, where they will discuss human rights issues in the Americas, as they have every year since 1959.  The IACHR is nonpartisan.  Today's session will discuss human rights issues in Mexico, as well as the U.S. immigration policies and enforcement issues.  

For the first time ever, in the history of the commission, since 1959, the White House has withdrawn all participation from today's meeting.  

SNAPPLE FACT: The only thing dictators hate more than human rights, are photographers who capture their neck wattle.

Read the ACLU article regarding this HERE

 "Now look, I’m not here to badmouth the other Republicans, we have a good group of people running. At a minimum I can say this: None of them is a socialist. None of our candidates is under FBI investigation."

"Obviously, we all understand the importance of this presidential race. I would just ask everybody this: Can this country afford to have a president under investigation by the FBI? Think of the trauma that would do to this country."
                                                                                        -Sen. Marco Rubio

The Wall Street Journal, the liberal rag owned by the same hippies who own FOX, put out another FAKE editorial.  The editorial states that the President's continuous lack of "respect for truth" puts him at risk of being seen as a FAKE president.

This comes the day after new polls showing Trump's approval rating has skyrocketed, like an old N. Korean missile, to 39%.  

The WSJ points out Trump's lying highlights, including the lie that Obama had him wiretapped.  The paper compares the president's refusal to own up to his lie: "Yet the President clings to his assertion like a drunk to an empty gin bottle, rolling out his press spokesman to make more dubious claims."

Whatever you think about the WSJ, it is impossible to argue with their conclusion.  Our president's actions undermine his credibility with voters and with the world.  And when you have a president with little credibility, that is going to have a real, negative effect on his ability to get legislation done, and to rally the troops (figuratively and literally) to deal with any crisis that comes down the pike. 
HINT: N. Korea
            Russia incursions into Libya
            A terrorist attack in the UK
            Apprentice Ratings

"TV news devotes 4x more time to Trump controversies than Hillary’s. Gee, you’d think the guy was under an FBI investigation!"
                                              -Gov. Mike Huckabee


Tomorrow the House votes on the only abortion some Republicans seem willing to put up with in public - the repeal and replacement of Obamacare.  Think of this like Trump trading in his hair for pancake batter.  I mean, why bother.

Trump is trying to negotiate a deal.  Not between Republicans and Democrats, but between Republicans and Republicans.  The tea party guys hate it, and the moderates hate it.  The guys in upper New York State don't hate it so much anymore, because they are getting more money for their voters.  In other words, the kind of typical political payoff that Trump swore he would put an end to.

As of this moment, the House doesn't have enough votes to pass the bill.  Republicans are in a bad spot here.  No one wants to vote for a bill that is going to put 24 million Americans off of health insurance, and then have the Senate kill the bill.  How do you explain that to your voters?  "Yes, I voted for a bill aimed at making your life harder, and yes, my fellow republicans killed the bill, but here I am, seeking your vote again. MAGA!"

At the same time, these same politicians are often representing districts that voted overwhelmingly for Trump.  So if they vote no, they risk real political fallout that will come with the president's wrath. This may include Trump stumping for their opponents in primaries, primaries that they would otherwise not have to worry about.

If the vote fails, this will be one deal that won't make it into Trump's next ghost written book.  
But don't worry, Trump fans, Bannon has already started to shift the blame to Paul Ryan.

"Running for POTUS with an FBI investigation. Who else could run for POTUS w/ such a scandal? Nobody."
                           - Dan Scavino Jr. (Trump's Director of Social Media)

Sec. of State Rex Tillerson planned on skipping a NATO meeting, which would mean he'd be meeting with Russia before he met with NATO.  This may have been a simple scheduling issue.  But because of Trump's repeated attacks on NATO, his inexplicable refusal to say a bad word about Putin, and the FBI criminal investigation into possible collusion between Trump and Putin, our allies and the rest of the world might reasonably be reading more into the scheduling snub.

Tillerson is skipping a NATO meeting in order to meet with China, then Russia.  So, China, NO NATO, Russia.  

Since this was reported, the State Dept. has gone into damage control mode, but the whole flap is a prime example of the WSJ's editorial warning that Trump has cried wolf too many times in his short stint as president, to be effective when the rubber meets the road. Perhaps, more accurately, we are starting to see that the president's words matter.

" Not if @HillaryClinton becomes nominee - probably tough to get excited aboutt someone under FBI investigation."
                               - Sean Spicer, White House Press Secretary and Melisa McCarthy                                             impersonator.

From the Washington Post :   A Ukrainian lawmaker released new financial documents Tuesday allegedly showing that a former campaign chairman for President Trump laundered payments from the party of a disgraced ex-leader of Ukraine using offshore accounts in Belize and Kyrgyzstan.

In case anyone fell asleep during the last 61 days, that disgraced ex-leader is the guy who helped hand over Crimea to Putin and then fled to Russia before the Ukraine government could arrest him.


From the Washington Post:

WASHINGTON (AP) — President Donald Trump's former campaign chairman, Paul Manafort, secretly worked for a Russian billionaire to advance the interests of Russian President Vladimir Putin a decade ago and proposed an ambitious political strategy to undermine anti-Russian opposition across former Soviet republics, The Associated Press has learned. The work appears to contradict assertions by the Trump administration and Manafort himself that he never worked for Russian interests.

Just another of smoking dot,  A huge, filthy, smoking dot.

"Hillary made history today:we've no[w] nominated someone under FBI investigation whom a majority of Americans says not trustworthy not honest."

"Most honest people I know are not under FBI investigation, let alone two." https://

                                                                      -Kellyanne Conway (Counsel to President and                                                                          Home Shopping Network wannabe) 

"Dem voters forced to make an impossible choice between 1 candidate facing FBI investigation & another that’s a self-proclaimed socialist."

“This alone should be disqualifying for anyone seeking the presidency, a job that is supposed to begin each morning with a top secret intelligence briefing.”
                                                      - Reince Priebus   White House Chief of Staff

"I know it's important to keep religion out of politics, but Jesus Fucking Christ."                                                                                                                   -Adam Sifre

That's it!
It's 10:07 a.m.
Good morning!

Tuesday, March 21, 2017


Welcome to SPLINKERNEWSMAX, the news blog that isn't afraid to say what others have said, after making sure no one got in trouble for saying it.  SplinkerNewsMax is not owned by any major media corporation, although we are willing to entertain offers.

BOOK ALERT: Keep your eyes open for my new ebook: "144k: The First Fun Days of Trump's Reality Show"

DAY 61: 

Trump still has not released his tax returns.  The chances of him doing so, however, increased a bit after yesterday's hearing.  Now that we know that there is an ongoing criminal investigation into, among other things, ties between the Trump campaign and Russia, it is possible that one intelligence committee or the other will subpoena them.  You and I may not get to see them, because we all know nothing ever gets leaked in Washington, but SOMEONE will.


FBI Director Comey flatly stated there is no information to support Trump's twitter lies and that there is indeed a criminal investigation that includes chasing down the allegations of collusion with Russia. The Democrats pushed too hard to get their narrative of collusion between Trump and Russia on the table. The Republicans took every chance to shift the focus of the hearing to investigations of leaks of intelligence information, and both parties failed to really, really drill down on the core issue: Russia's hacking of the election and what we can do to stop it in the future.

This hardest part to swallow, in my opinion, is how uncle Ralph doesn't care about any of this.  Until this election, Ralph was 25% Archie Bunker, 25% American Dad, 35% Swamp people,10% Klan and 5% African.  (He doesn't know about that last bit.  That family secret is buried and buried deep.  In other words, 95% of uncle Ralph hates those Ruskies.  I mean, the great prophet, Ronald Reagan, made Russia our bitch, and built a throne on commie bones. Uncle Ralph used to get hard watching Red Dawn, for Christ's sake. 
Image result for patrick swayze wolverine
"This is my rifle! This is - "  "No Jed, that's my GUN!"

But now, when we hare in the midst of Cold War II, where reality forces even the sleepiest citizen to accept the fact that Russia weaponized hacked information and committed an act of war designed to undermine the greatest democratic system in the world -- an attack that succeeded --  and Ralph could not care less.

That's the way it is.  You want to show him why he should, you'll have to purchase my upcoming book.

In the meantime...


Yes, that's all it is at this point.  But let's go over why this, unlike Trump's belief that Obama was born on the sun, that millions of illegals voted in the 2016 election, or that Obama left trained parrots throughout the White House that secretly fly to his bunker a few blocks away and tell him EVERYTHING, this conspiracy has more than a ring of truth to it.  Just ask Congressman and Democratic leader of the House Intelligence Committee, Adam Schiff.  By the time Congressperson Schiff was done showing us all the smoke yesterday, he was up to almost two packs a day! 

1. Russia started hacking into government and campaign computers as early as 2015. 
2. They released all information that could and did hurt Hillary Clinton.  SPOILER ALERT: Putin hates her.
3. The now famous "drip" (not the golden drips, the other ones), helped Trump win the election, although no one is saying he wouldn't have won without it. (He wouldn't have).
All this is undisputed. Except maybe by Trump.  He just doesn't believe his beautiful Putin would do such a thing!

Okay, so Russia attacked our election, succeeded, and will do it again if they can.  Now for some smoke.

4. Several key people in Trump's campaign, and Trump himself, have or had ties to Russian interests.  That's not a crime.  It's a little unusual, but not a crime. Russia has an established history of using bribery, blackmail and a bunch of other stuff to influence other elections.  That doesn't mean they did it here though. 


5. July 2016. Carter Page a national security adviser in the Trump campaign, goes to Moscow with the Trump campaign's approval. He gives a speech criticizing the U.S. for being hypocritical regarding democracy and fighting corruption.  Because, why not? As set forth in the Steele Dossier, Page meets in secret with Igor Sechin. Igor is the CEO Rosneft, a massive energy company.  Igor is also ex-KGB and Putin's bridge partner on weekends. 
Image result for muppet vulture
Igor agrees to give Carter a brokerage fee on the sale of 19% of the company. Reuters has confirmed that the sale took place.  We don't know the purchaser or the amount of the brokerage fee paid.  

6. According to the Steele report, Russia offers Trump documents that hurt Clinton, and agrees to disseminate them through wikileaks, in exchange for a promise that a Trump presidency will 
    a. De-emphasize Russia's invasion of Ukraine; and
    b. Focus on criticizing NATO

Okay.  Time out.  This is in July 2016, so it seems odd that Russia would do all this on the longshot bet that Trump would win the election.  On the other hand, parts of the Steele report have been verified, and the Trump campaign did, in fact, de-emphasize Russia's invasion and did in fact focus on criticizing NATO. In fact, as early as last week, Trump criticized NATO with Angela Merkel at his side, as she struggled to keep her eyes from rolling up to the back of her head. 

We now return you to your regularly scheduled conspiracy rant.

7. In July, Trump's campaign manager, Paul Manafort is at the Republican party convention, along with Carter Page.  Manafort has long had ties with, and been paid by "Pro-Russian Ukrainian Interests."  The Steele Reports says Manafort is the guy who told Carter Page to get his ass to Moscow and cut the deal. 

8. The Russian ambassador is also at the convention.  Because, why not? While there, the ambassador has a little visit with Carter Page, and two more Trump advisers.  One of them being J.D. Gordon, the guy who approved Page's trip to Moscow. 

9. After another round of 'spin the bottle,' Russian ambassador Kislyak meets with Jeb Sessions - our Attorney General who, after being caught lying about the meeting, has recused himself from any investigations involving the Trump campaign, Russia, or hobbits.

10., Then, after a round of burnt stakes and bad wine, the plank in the republican party that provided for lethal defensive weapons for Ukraine was removed.  Trump said he had nothing to do with that.  Manafort said no one in the campaign had anything to do with that.  

They were both lying. J.D. Gordon has admitted that he opposed the provision at the insistence of President Trump.  Remember, Trump is the guy who promised that Russia will never invade Ukraine, about a year after they had already invaded Ukraine.  I mention this only to highlight the apparent degree of disinterest and lack of knowledge our president has about any country.  The only thing Donald wants to know about foreigners is 'can they climb walls, and if so, how high?'

11. After the convention, after the removal of the Ukraine provision,  but still in July, the first emails designed to harm Clinton are released through wikileaks. We are now as certain as we can be that Russian intelligence was behind the hack.  The overt act of war starts here.  That is a given. The only question is whether Russia had help from our President's men in making it happen.

12. At this time, Trump publicly praises Wikileaks. He tells the world that he loves wikileaks, and he asks them, on camera, to release Hillary's emails if they have them. He makes the same appeal to Russia, telling them the media will love them if they do it.  Or some such nonsense. 

13. Aug. 8.  Roger Stone, A longtime Trump political advisor, and a loon, tells anyone who will listen that he is buddies with Assange (Wikileaks) and that we can expect an October Suprise!  In the same month, Stone predicts that Podesta's emails are next. He tweets:  “Trust me, it will soon be Podesta’s time in the barrel. #Crooked Hillary.”  He goes on: 

“I have total confidence that @wikileaks and my hero Julian Assange will educate the American people soon. #Lockherup. “Payload coming.” Two days later, Wikileaks releases its first batch of Podesta emails. The continues virtually every day until Nov. 8.  

14. Nov. 8.  Trump wins, everyone dies a little inside, and Trump makes Michael Flynn, his staunch campaign adviser, his  National Security Adviser.  We know now that Flynn:
  a. had secret talks with Kislyak and discussed lifting sanctions imposed on Russia for it's             cyber attack on America. This was in December.  Flynn then lied about it to VP Pence, 
      Trump found out he lied about this, and Trump did nothing for two weeks. He no doubt         would still be doing nothing, if Flynn hadn't been caught and his actions leaked to the             press.
  b. Flynn was also a paid foreign lobbyist for Turkey.  About 500 grand worth.  This was                illegal and he may or may not have disclosed it on his security clearance paperwork. 
   c.  Flynn had been paid by Russian TV to shoot the shit on one of their shows. 

SPOILER ALERT: So far, Trump has proven to be pretty damned lousy at extreme vetting.

    d. Trump fired Flynn, praised him and attacked the free press a/k/a enemy of the people.  He clearly was more angry at the press than his National Security Adviser's crimes. 

So, that's a lot of smoke.  If your eyes haven't teared up yet, I encourage you to read Adam Schiff's complete opening statement here: Schiff's Opening Statement

To date, Trump still has not criticized Putin for anything.  Even if we give the president the benefit of the doubt, and assume he is criticizing the entire world in alphabetical order, he's already on SNL.  Putin's turn should have come weeks ago.

That's it for today.  I'm exhausted.  If you can, become a blog follower.  There's a button on the right up there somewhere.  

It's 1:59 p.m.
Good Morning!