Sunday, August 13, 2017

WE'RE BACK!

Welcome to SPLINKERNEWSMAX! The faux news agency that isn't afraid to speak the truth, after making sure no one else gets in trouble for telling it. SplinkerNewsMax is not owned by any major media corporation, although we are willing to entertain offers.

It's been a while! 

As many of you know, SplinkerNewsMax was a defendant in an imaginary lawsuit, financed by the Koch brothers, accusing our organization of engaging in a campaign to defame the #sickorangetwist currently defiling the Whitehouse.  The case was thrown out in July, when we proved that we invoked the Jared defense, and proved we were way too disorganized to wage a campaign against the president. 

So, we're back!  When we last posted, the country was drowning in Day 141 of the Don-pranos.  Since then, we've seen:

1. Spicer denied a rose;
2. A Moochie roofied and carted away in the dead of night;
3. One Trump lawyer disappear after engaging in a drunken twitter rant.
4. Reince Priebus sent to bed without supper and forbidden to play Chief of Staff anymore;
5. Paul Manafort place his nuts in Mueller's cracker;
6. Trump trying to fire his own cracker AG;
7. The nationalist, white power parties try to push Gen. McMaster out of his position as National Security Adviser.   
8. A second Grand Jury.
9. Trump tweeting about anything he can think of to distract us from his criminal activity, including lying about his reasons for trying to deny transgender people the right to serve in uniform, lying about telephone calls with Mexico, the Boy Scouts, and Australia.  
10. Leaks that confirm the president whined to Mexico that they can't say they won't pay for the wall, because that will hurt him politically.
11. Throwing his Sec. of State under the bus, by having an off-off-broadway actor named Gorka, come out and say to listen to Tillerson about military matters is nonsensical.  
12. Diplomats playing Trump Bingo, where they get points whenever he uses one of the 28 words he still remembers.
13. Trump deciding to out Kim, Kim.
14. Russia expelling 750 diplomatic personnel, and Trump thanking Putin for saving us money.
15. The largest white nationalist, Nazi, KKK march in my memory, capped by a white nationalist running over 19 people and the president still refusing to simply say, "White Nationalists are scum."
16. Rumors that Eirc Trump has hacked the parental block code on his cable TV.

That's a lot! And only what we can recall before the first cup of coffee.
And we're exhausted!

SNAPPLE FACT: Trump is a terrible poker player.  All he does is bluff.  Every. Single. Time.

That's it!
Maybe we'll catch our breath tomorrow and delve into a few things.  Like: the lawsuits against Trump by two ethic watchdog groups, the possibility that N. Korea has been Trumped up for ratings, what it means when your president requires a propoganda folder - twice a day - to make him think he's doing a good job, and all kinds of interesting things!

It's 10:00 a.m.
Good morning!