I actually look better in real life. The camera adds ten pounds.
To celebrate this restive occasion, I wrote a little story. I encourage all you bloggers and floggers and write a little something and mention "I've Been Deader." So here's my little undead contribution:
TUCKS
Charlene
hated, hated, HATED her curtains. Even
before everyone went crazy and left her, she couldn’t stand them. They were gold, with all kinds of circus
pictures. Monkey’s, trapeze artists,
clowns, seals balancing balls, smiling elephants…
They were
okay during daytime, but at night everything moved. From the safety of
her bed, she’d stare at the horrid things, barely visible but still there. First, the dancing bear would start moving,
then the trapeze artists would start swinging the tiniest bit. And the smiling clown? Well, his smile would grow! That was the creepiest
part, thank you very much. And if she waited long enough – stared long
enough, a giant, shadowy gorilla would peek out from behind the things. That’s when Charlene would shout for her
Daddy.
She knew she
was being a baby, but she didn’t care.
Better a baby with Daddy there, then a brave little girl with a giant
gorilla in her room!
Except now
Daddy couldn’t come into her room and sit on the bed until she fell
asleep. Daddy had to stay outside with
everyone else.
Charlene
knew the trick was not to look. Shut the
eyes and the curtains were just curtains again.
She could even open them for quick looks, as long as she didn’t
staring. Staring always got things
moving. Her circus liked an
audience. ‘But not looking is hard. It’s scary.
Scary to look and scary not to look.
And maybe dangerous now,’ she thought.
The lights
stopped working almost as soon as everyone went crazy and it got dark so
early. She ended up going to bed before
bedtime because there wasn’t anything to do anymore. So she went to bed at baby time. Even earlier than baby time, really. Charlene felt safer going to her room when
there was still a little light.
Sometimes, if she was really, really quiet, it would be okay.
But not tonight. The soft clicking started almost as soon as
she was under the covers, Pooh Bear safely cradled in her arms. It came from curtains, naturally. That soft clicking, scraping sound. Charlene closed her eyes as tight and pressed
her face against Pooh Bear. It made the
clicking and scraping go away, but her face got hot and it was hard to breath,
so she stopped doing it.
Besides,
soon the clicking and scraping were joined by moaning. Not loud, but deep. She could feel it more than hear it at
times. It seemed to come up from the bed
but Charlene knew it really came from the curtain.
“From behind
the curtain,” she whispered. “It’s from
outside.” Pooh Bear agreed.
She sat up
in bed and risked a look at the curtains.
No moving animals or circus clowns tonight. Not yet, anyway. Maybe they were waiting, or watching to see
what happens next. ‘Maybe it’s their
turn to be the audience.’
She waited
for minutes and minutes and minutes. Forever.
But the scraping and the clicking and the moaning never went away. “I’m going to go sleep in the television
room.” There were windows there of
course. But no scary curtains, and maybe
no noises. ‘I can pretend to watch TV
until I fall asleep.’ Quiet as she could
ever be, Charlene slipped out of her covers.
Her door was close to her bed and she was through it in a second. She didn’t even have to look at the
curtains. Down the dark hall and she was
on the stairs. Downstairs could be scary
at night, especially now. But at least
there would be no moaning. Charlene was
halfway down the stairs when she remembered.
‘Pooh Bear!’ Without thinking she turned and quietly ran
back to her room, her bare feet silent on the carpet. Pooh was still there. ‘Of course he’s there, silly. He isn’t real.’ Charlene wasn’t a baby. She knew Pooh was just a stuffed animal. But she wasn’t old enough to really know that.
Two quick
steps and she was at the bed, Pooh in hand.
She turned back to the door and then Pooh, that silly old bear, swung
into her Little Mermaid night lamp.
Arial teetered on the small end dresser and, when she was sure the world
was watching, fell to the floor, making a soft noise, loud as thunder.
The moaning
stopped.
The clicking
stopped.
All
quiet. For one long, forever pause. Nothing.
Then
louder. Not clicking now. Rapping.
Banging. Like the sound a small
bird might make if it flew into a closed
window.
Charlene’s
feet were two stones now. She wasn’t
going anywhere. A larger thud. Then the sound of breaking glass. Night air pushed the curtains out and
Charlene swore she could see the clowns and the seals and the dancing bears all
run away. More sounds of breaking glass,
and of course the moaning. Much louder
now.
Something on
the other side pulled at one of the curtains.
The metal rings holding it to the rod resisted for a few seconds and
then gave up their ghosts with a series of popping, ripping sounds. Charlene watched the curtain fall to the
floor and moonlight – and something else, spilled into the room, making her pee
herself. She dropped poor Pooh Bear and
closed her eyes. Closed them forever.
“Hi Daddy.”
THE END
But the undead fun doesn't have to end for you. Shell out a buck and download "I've Been Deader" today. You can even see what's going on "Inside My Shorts" if you simply can't get enough me.
Thanks for reading!
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