Wednesday, October 17, 2012

POLITICS!!!! zzzzzz

Last night millions of idiots tuned into the presidential debate when they could have been reading "I've Been Deader."  Being a voter of above-average intelligence, I was smart enough to keep my face buried in 300 pages of pure undead goodness.  But that doesn't mean I don't have an opinion.

"If there's one thing we're good at, it's standing in line.

(but first, read)

To my knowledge, neither the illegal immigrant or the Magic Mormon have actually read my book.  Instead, they've wasted millions of dollars going around the country and reminding us how fucked we are, how fucked we were, and how fucked we're going to be. 

                                          'Don't worry.  I have an extra set of magic underwear
                                          in storage back at the Legion of Doom Headquarters."

Candidate Mitt Romney relied on a strange mix of Kabalah and Mormon mysticism last night in an attempt to hypnotize the American public.   I am pretty sure it worked.  Halfway through the debate I fell asleep, and when I woke up, my interest was gone.

Anyway, other than both candidates illiteracy issues, two things caught my interest:

1:  Oil and gas production on Federal lands.  It's obvious that gas production sharply increased on Federal candidates.  But what about Romney's claim that oil and natural gas production on federal land decreased due to Obama's hatred of the white man?  And Obama' maintaining that the 'white mothafucker"'s   assertions are “honky bullshit.”

                                         "Bend over Romney and let me check your oil!"

Well, according to my Magic 8-ball, it turns out that Oil production did fall by 14 percent on federal lands,   but from 2010 to 2011.  And not because of Obama's hatred for the white man, but because of the Deepwater Horizon oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico in 2010.

Since Obama snuck into office, oil production on federal lands is up.

 "I get three yards to the gallon.

2.   The Auto Bailout!:  I thought this was an issue worth discussing because, you know, cars are important.

Obama bitch slapped Whitey -- er, Romney, for not backing measures to save the car guys and opposing the federal bailout.  Obama himself has come under a lot of criticism from the Republican Party, mostly because his bailout of the auto industry worked.  

                                                       "Thanks Obama!  Stop by anytime for a wax job ;)"

Romney never actually said "Let Detroit Go Bankrupt."  He did mime it once at a church social, but later claimed he was not responsible because a prankster had spiked his whiskey with coffee.

What Romney did say was that the auto companies should go through “managed bankruptcy,” where the companies would get help from private investors but not taxpayers’ money.  Maybe he was just looking for another investment opportunity, as the auto industry is kicking economic ass at the moment.

So there are a few facts for you.  Remember, you don't have to wait until November whatever to vote with your pocketbooks.

Zom-buy American!

I'm ok, you're UK

1 comment:

You have an opinion about everything else. Might as well have one here. Remember, spelling counts.