Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Dear Diary: November 13, 2012

Hello Diary.  It's me again. I'm sorry for not getting back to you the other day. For some reason, scantily clad women keep showing up at my door and asking me to read them poetry.  Weird.

I'm sorry I'm not using exclamation marks today, Diary.  That's because I'm sad.  I miss Sandy.  Even though parts of her will always be with me, it is not the same. Does that make any sense?

Sigh.  Things were going so well.

Crystal clear, fruitcake! (Click here)

Sandy came over just like she said she would, which is a point in her favor.  Keeping your word is so important these days. As my est training leader says, "Integrity is doing what you said you'd do."  It's funny, I keep going to my est weekends and no one is left -- I mean no one shows up anymore. 

Anyway, so there she was, dressed is something pretty.  I wish I could say she was smiling but she wasn't.  She was too upset about Mr. Mittens. I think loving animals is a good thing, but not when it stops Sandy from smiling.  So that's a point against her, I'm sorry to say.

It's getting crowded in here!
You SHUT UP MR. MITTENS!  That frozen pussy really burns my bacon sometimes, Diary.

So, there we were, alone in my house. There were markers and poster boards on the kitchen table and a bottle of wine.  Because women like to be wooed with wine, Diary.  That's a given.

You'll need more than that, smooth talker!


I asked her how she was and told her I thought it was colder than usual for this time of year.  That's called 'small talk' Diary. It's very important to have lots of small talk with dinner.  VERY IMPORTANT.

Sometimes a woman just wants you to nod and nod and nod and nod and nod while she tells you about her day.  So nodding is VERY IMPORTANT as well.  But women, although they are very collectible, I mean beautiful, can be tricky.  Sometimes they will slip in a question during their talking and expect you to talk back to them.  So in addition to being ready for small talk, it is very important to REMAIN ALERT.  Yessir.

Unfortunately, Sandy wasn't interested in small talk.  It was all "Poor Mr. Mittens" this and "Poor Mr. Mittens" that.  So I wasn't able to be engaging, which is every important in the beginning and ending of a relationship.  Instead, I just nodded.
Jersey Girls like their "Yes" men!
Finally, after about a gazillion years, I was able to ask Sandy if she would like a glass of wine, and she said yes!  Then she started talking about other things and I got to nod even more enthusiastically.  And you know that I can be very enthusiastic, Diary!  Yes sir!

But with all that nodding I wasn't paying too much attention.  And that is unfortunate.
Because at one point Sandy paused and said.  "This is good wine."  It was good wine.  In fact it was my last bottle of Boonesberry Strawberry, 1980.  It is always good for a relationship when a woman likes your wine, believe me Diary.  So I kept nodding.

"Is it strawberry," She asked?

I nodded.

"I usually like a fruity wine," she said.

I nodded. 

"It could use some ice," she said.

I nodded again.

Then she got up and walked to the kitchen and I nodded some more.


Sigh.  But it was too late Diary. The damage was done.  I don't want to talk about this anymore, right now Diary. Please stop asking me about it!  Bad Diary.  I'm going to take a nap now.  We'll probably talk later, you and me.


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