Thursday, March 30, 2017

DAY 70: Did You Wake Up In Russia? MAYBE!

Welcome to SPLINKERNEWSMAX, the news blog that isn't afraid to say what others have said, after making sure no one got in trouble for saying it.  SplinkerNewsMax is not owned by any major media corporation, although we are willing to entertain offers.

Keep your eyes open for my upcoming book "144k: The first 144,000 Fun-Filled Minutes of Trump." (Title a work in progress and copyrighted, patent pending;  reuse of this title or anything contained herein may result in tiny twinges of guilt.)

DAY 70:
Trump has still refused to release his tax returns. Whatever you're political leaning, it should be apparent that Trump is worse than a novice when it comes to putting out scandals.  What he has done is plant a garden of juicy, treasonous nuggets for the intelligence committees, the FBI, and the Press, to harvest at their leisure.  If he just put it all out there at once, we wouldn't get to see this shitty soap opera played out every day.  It's like watching the series "Lost" on Netflix.  If you watch just one episode a week, you'll look forward to seeing what happens next.  But if you binge watch, you'd probably get sick of it by season 3. 

Come on, Mr. President.  Makes us sick(er)! Release those tax returns.  CONFESS!


Just a recap from my often faulty memory.
First, right after FBI Director Comey testified that the FBI was conducting a criminal investigation into possible ties between Trump's people and Russia.  Adam Sifre, the lead investigative reporter here at SplinkerNewsMax, immediately responded to the news: "From this moment on, every single thing Trump says and does, will be to keep our eyes off Russia."  Then...

Trump goes on FoxNews and says that he believes some very interesting information is going to come to light regarding the lie that Obama wiretapped Trump's phone.

Time goes by, but not a lot of it.  Then Congressman Nunes, the guy in charge of fucking up the House Intelligence Committee's investigation.  Held a press conference to tell us he saw some scary shit, went to the WH to tell the President what the scary shit was, and then held another press conference to tell us again that the scary shit was about someone.

And wham, bang, thank you Devin. The nation shifted it's attention away from Trump's collusion with Putin (alleged - but, come on), to shady allegations of improper surveillance.

Sean Spicer keeps telling us that the process isn't as important as the substance.  Whatever the fuck that means.

But the "process" of what Nunes did when he sabotaged the investigation is important.  Or if not, it's fun to review.

Like the fact that Nunes, ditched his people and grabbed an Uber to the White House.  He then somehow made it into the White House, although Sean refuses to tell us who signed Nunes in, because ... well, just because, okay?  It was at this time that Nunes saw the shocking information that made him feel he had to crush the committee's investigation.

AND TODAY, the failing New York Times reports that the information that Nunes received.  The information that he reviewed somewhere in the White House, and later held a press conference regarding the information, before going back to the White House with the information - that information was provided to Nunes by two White House officials.

The head of the House Intelligence Committee snuck into the White House, where he was given information.  Without telling the press that he received the information from White House officials, Nunes told us he read some disturbing intelligence.  Then Nunes pretended he had to get this information to the President - information that the President most likely arranged to have given to Nunes in the first place. 

Let's hope he's pressing the right button.

CONCLUSION: Manufactured story to keep our eyes off of Russia.  SPOILER ALERT: It didn't work.

Soapy Suds Calendar ;)
Okay.  So I don't have a sexist, car-wash girl calendar to sell you.  But I have this: THE RESISTANCE CALENDAR!!  Click on it to see what resistance events are happening today and what you can do. Click on it. Favorite It.  Bookmark it. 

And a big FUCK you to congress for passing a bill allowing my internet provider to sell my browsing history.  Now I have to spend an hour each night searching topics I have no interest in, just to screw them up.  Tonight I'll be googling "Goat Handies," "Scab Collections," and "heated nipple clamps."  I'm only interested in two of those things, so suck on that Internet.. 

That's it.
It's 2:42 pm
Good morning!

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