Friday, December 30, 2011

Not All Old Jokes Smell Like Pee!


This is for the 40 and over crowd.  You kids with your damn skateboards and rock 'n roll music won't understand.  


 There are few things more depressing than...

1.  Realizing your barber spends more time on your eyebrows than on your hair.

2.  Seeing a five dollar bill at your feet and having to debate if it is worth the effort.

3.  When Dependz = Freedom

                                    ("Next time we go to a shorter movie!")

4.  Being invited to your first singles "Ensure" mixer.

5.  When you find yourself saying "Are you going to finish that Jello" 3 - 5 times a week.

6.  When your barber takes longer to trim your eyebrows than cut your hair (I know, but for some of you  it will be like you're reading it for the first time again).

7.  Watching the roadies wheel out Stevie Nicks for her reunion tour.
Just Like The Break Wind Blows!

8.  Those "I've fallen and I can't get up" commercials just don't seem as funny as they used to.

9.  Looking for your cell phone while your talking on it.

10.  Instead of having your eyebrows cut, you opt for the combover. 

11.  Guesstimating the amount of pills to take because you can't read the instructions on the medicine bottle.  (Thank God I took all those little blue pills on a long weekend).

12.  When your cardio workout in the gym consists of trying to find the locker that you put your clothes in.

13.  When your morning health routine starts and ends with opening the medicine cabinet and randomly grabbing a GNC Product.


14.   When you have to decide whether it is safer to drive with a seatbelt or to use the warning beep to help keep you awake.

15.   When your kids believe you are a parent with special needs because you keep videotaping the inside of your pants pocket with your cell phone.  

Feel free to offer any I may have missed.