I am beginning to understand how Rick Santorum feels.
It's bad enough that Susan Conners stole her name from the Terminator movies, put Hunger Games on some self-serving "Best Seller" list, and turned the book into a major motion picture event, in a shameless and blatant attempt to overshadow the release of "I've Been Deader," but this weekend I found out that two out of three of my children read her books. (You're my favorite Jesse!).
Then I find out that none of them have even read "I've Been Deader." If that isn't bad enough, I also learned they didn't even buy it!
Anyone who pretends to know me, knows that I do all this for the children. The little bastards are our future after all. I give and I give and I give, like Jesus, asking only that the world acknowledge that I am the way (to kill a few hours on the commute). Now I find out my own blood has forsaken I've Been Deader and taken to worshiping false idols.
At this point, I'm sure you can feel the tears welling up behind your eyes, maybe a haunting Sara McLachlan song playing in the dusky corners of your minds. But please, don't pity me. I'm not writing this as a devastated parent seeking pity or a shoulder to cry on. I only want your money. Not even a lot of it. Just a few dollars. In exchange, I'll give you something far more precious. The gift of laughter (all sales final).
So stop looking into your hearts and start looking into your purses and wallets. Take this moment to help a damaged parent heal.
Act now and I'll even put you in the deadication.
Buy "I've Been Deader today." I'll be glad you did. Zom-Buy