Monday, December 10, 2012

Countdown to Apocalypse!: Z Minus Ten.

Hello Splinkervillains!

Like every writer of zombie novels, I wake up every morning and thank God for the Mayans!

According to the Mayan calendar, there's just ten days until the end of the world.  (I know it's really eleven, but ten works better for me.)




So, as there's only ten days or so left for mankind, I figured I'd get a few things off my chest. Every day until the undead rise, I'll be telling it like it is.
"There's still time.  Unless you're a slow reader."

Today I want to bitch about Climate Change.  Several years ago I paid good money to watch Al Gore's "Inconvenient Truth."  I remember waking up and thinking "Is it hot in here?"

That was about ten years ago.  And where are we now?  The climate is just find, thank you very much.
                                                 "HELLOOO KANSAS!!"

It's been ten years and I've seen zero evidence of climate change.  Zero!  Just a bunch of liberal entitlement hungry farmers bitching about droughts and erratic weather patterns.  If they saved all their tears, they could water the crops for the next decade.

If it were real, you'd see it here!



Yes, there are parts of the world underwater that shouldn't be, and where there used to be corn, there's dust.  Sure, it's getting hotter and colder and wetter and dryer and, like most of my dates, in all the wrong places.  But so what.  I've got my bottled water, my air conditioning, my Mexican gardener --




Que? Que? Que?!?





whatever.  The point is, everything is going along just as it always had, climate change or no climate change. 
If I have to pay a few dollars more for groceries, and double my galoshes budget, big deal.
Fuck climate change.  And that's my first rant on Countdown to the Apocalypse.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

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