Hello Splinkervillains! Today is September something, almost nine months to the day I stopped blogging due to a massive heart attack and a new season of "Wipe Out." But I'm back! And do I get to blog about my life? My pain and triumphs? No. Instead Charles Larch has bullied me into promoting his latest book through this sham interview.God forbid anyone takes a minute to praise "I've Been Deader". Did any of you ever once think to include my book in one of your bull sessions? Or even offer me a lousy cup of coffee?
But I'm not bitter! I'm a giver! So let's get to it.
Welcome Mr. Larch! Despite your tendency to complete novels and write well, two qualities I despise in other writers, you remain one of my favorite authors and I am thrilled to have you here. So let's get to it!
Me: First off, have you read "I've Been Deader" and how much did you love it?
Not Me: Yes, and this much. Can you see my hands?
I hate my agent!
Me: So that's why you write everything in fingerpaint! Where do you dream of traveling to and why?
Not Me: Everywhere. I want the whole world to be one big country where they give free airplane rides that are not like roller coasters.
Me: Without resorting to disgusting double entendre, tell us about your current release.
Not Me: Towers of Dust is about a handful of people left behind on Earth after the population is warned of impending disaster. The disaster never happens, the population that left never returns and the remaining people come together to form a new society on Earth.
Click here for a free iPhone!
Click here for a free iPhone!
Me: Sounds like an idea worth stealing. Tell us about your next release, but wait at least 20 minutes.
Not me: My next release is 'Towers of Dust - A New Generation' that begins twenty years after the end never came. New leaders are chosen, babies are born, and someone returns who was gone. Also, there may be a little alien action.
"After chapter six, I really get the urge to light one up."
Me: Other than me, has someone been instrumental in inspiring you as a writer?
Not Me: Everyone who has ever said, "Hey, you are pretty good. You should be a writer."
Me: What was your first sale as an author?
Not me: The first book I ever sold was Euneria, a fantasy novel of short, really short, sometimes humorous stories.
No, Euneria is not a woman's naughty part!
Me: Many writers have told me that they spend to much time reading my posts and not enough time working on their novel. What is the hardest part of writing your books?
Not Me: Not stopping to work on a different book. Or when people make noise. Or when random thoughts pop into my head that have nothing to do with my writing. Or trying to hold my pee longer than I should. Or hunger. Or worrying about stuff. Or when my son has gas.
Me Again: What was one of the most surprising things you learned while writing your books?
Not Me: That other people liked reading them.
Not Me -- I mean "ME": How do you describe your writing style?
Not Me: I am pretty organic in my writing. Whatever way it wants to come out, that is the way I write.
Me: Do you hear from your readers? What kinds of questions do they ask? Are they more annoying than family at the holidays?
Not Me: Yes, usually when I kill a character. They get pretty upset when I do that.
Not Me: Seat of the pantser. Although, I could plot if I hadda. It takes so much time to outline, I get weary of the story by then. If I don't plan, I don't know what's coming and that is kinda exciting.
Me: Tell us about your family.
Not Me: Nooooo.
Me: I'll never forget when the Fonze jumped the shark. I still wake up screaming some nights. What was the scariest moment of your life?
Not Me: Every moment of my life is scary to me.
Me: Now for the hard hitting questions. What are your favorite TV shows?
Not Me: Walking Dead and Big Bang Theory.
Me: Do you play any sports?
Not Me: Only if you count golf and bowling.
Me: Any advice for beginning writers? Before you say anything, keep in mind that they are essentially after your job.
Not Me: If someone tells you not to do something, don't listen. I mean, you may fail when you try something new, but if nobody ever tried, writing would never evolve.
Me: Nice going Einstein. If you could apologize to someone in your past, who would it be?
Not Me: A dear friend who is no longer living.
Me: At what point in your life did you realize you wanted to be a writer?
Not Me: I don't want to be a writer.
Me: How do you react to a bad review of your book?
"Oh God, there's a sequel??"
Me: Man, is this interview dragging. What makes you happy?
Not Me: People being nice to me. That doesn't happen as often as it should.
Me: Great. Now I feel like a jerk. Where are your fans most likely to find you?
Me: Where are your fans most likely to find you hanging out?
Not Me: I thought the whole point of having a pen name was that nobody could find me.
Me: Entice us, what future projects are you considering?
Not Me:I can't tell you.
Me: So now I have to come up with my own idea for my next project. Thanks a lot. What is something people would be surprised to know about you?
Not Me: I have never been in jail. Apparently I look like I should be.
Me: Do you have anything specific that you want to say to your readers?
Not Me: Don't read stuff into my book. I am not that deep.
Me: That's it!
Thank you for stopping by. The complete works of Charles Larch can be found on Amazon.com and Amazon.uk.com and probably a few other places he doesn't want to talk about. Check out his books and enjoy the ride. You could do a lot worse!