Tuesday, June 21, 2016

GUN CONTROL TO MAJOR DUMB

Welcome to the news blog that isn't afraid to say what others have said, after making sure no one got in trouble for saying it.  SplinkerNewsMax is not owned by any major media corporation, although we are willing to entertain offers.








When I was a kid, I had a bb gun.  It was single shot, and you could load it with round bbs or a pellet.  My friends also had bb guns.  So, of course, we shot each other.  A lot.  When I didn't have the bb gun, I had a bow and arrow.  My cousin would go on my roof and I would try to shoot him.

That was a long time ago, and I've learned a lot since then.  Most importantly, the statute of limitations on assault crimes.  But I also learned this: A gun is like a hard-on.  You can walk around with it all you want, but sooner or later, you're gonna shoot.

Gun control is not an anti-amendment stance.  No more than a law prohibiting me from shouting "Nigger Kike Wop!" over and over in Starbucks, tramples on my first amendment right of free speech.
THIS IS DECAF!!

And let's face it, between you and me, we can probably remember three, maybe four amendments, tops.

So put away your Constitution for a minute and think.  Remember that BB gun I had?  If you don't, you should probably seek medical attention.  I mean, I just mentioned it a minute ago.  Well, I had to travel to New York State to buy that gun, because New Jersey had restrictions against pot smoking assholes shooting things in their backyard. I had to sneak into New York for a BB Gun!  Now, I can get a free AR-15 if I buy a used car from some fried butter dealership in Buttfuk, Wherever.

SNAPPLE FUN FACT!  IN THE TIME IT TOOK ME TO WRITE THIS BLOG, 2 PEOPLE DIED FROM GUN VIOLENCE IN AMERICA!  IF YOU WERE ONE OF THE TWO, YOU MISSED OUT ON A GREAT BLOG POST!

We need laws that make it difficult to buy rifles that can kill thirty or more people in one minute.  I know some will say "But Splinker, a terrorist could kill that many with a car!"  Maybe.  But can you imagine what his insurance rate would be?

And I'm not worried about the terrorist.  I worried about Mr. Bachner, my neighbor.  He keeps saying if my cat pees on his lawn one more time, he's going to 'fucking kill it, by God!'  I don't even own a cat! If Mr. Bachner has an AR-15, and his air conditioner goes on the fritz this summer, I'm screwed.

If you shoot Kitty, she's going right in the pet semetary!
To give you an idea on how screwed up this country is, Donald Trump.

No wait, that's another topic.  Donald Trump, the Republican nominee for President, went to visit the NRA today to ask about laws preventing people on the no-fly list from getting guns.  Now, let's not dwell on the details of any such law, or even if you think it's a good idea.  Let's focus on the fact that the presidential nominee did not go to Congress with his concern.  He went to the NRA, an organization that promises to fund your opponent if you say "ouch" after being shot.

The NRA!

Quick lesson:  Gun manufacturers give friggin millions to the NRA every year.  The NRA gives money to people who will make sure we never pass comprehensive gun control laws; people like John McCain and everyone else who is more concerned with winning elections than fighting for our right not to be gunned down while we're dancing, sucking dick, going to preschool or shouting at abortion clinics.  Senator McCain knows unrestricted access to semi-assault weapons is a bad idea. But he thinks standing up to the gun lobby is a worse idea.
Why didn't someone ban Palin!


Senator McCain takes lots of NRA money.
He is willing to let citizens die rather than NOT take NRA money.
Don't be like Senator McCain.
Fight for sensible gun control.







So go drop your congressperson a quick note.  Tell them to pass legislation curtailing ownership of semi-automatic, military style assault rifles, or get the fuck out of Dodge.   And please watch this blog for further rants - I mean updates.

Thank you.

THE PARTY OF LINCOLN SAYS "GUN CONTROL? HELL NO!"