Thursday, March 16, 2017


Welcome to SPLINKERNEWSMAX, the news blog that isn't afraid to say what others have said, after making sure no one got in trouble for saying it.  SplinkerNewsMax is not owned by any major media corporation, although we are willing to entertain offers.

Trump still has not released his tax returns.  No one believes anything he says, especially in Washington.  During Tuesday's snow storm, Trump was forced to spend the day playing Twister with his soul mate, Steve Bannon.  They had to take turns flicking the spinner.  Even Sean Spicer pretended he had somewhere else to be. 


If you saw last night's rally, I'm sure you felt the love in the air.  The people's pride and joy in their president, unfiltered by a dishonest media. Instead, they were filtered by a dishonest president. Well, a dishonest candidate.

Trump's rally last night in Tennessee was an official campaign rally, paid for with campaign funds.  That's right.  On day 54 of enjoying his Russian gift, the president began campaigning (again).  An interesting aspect of that.  Since it was a campaign speech, and not a "president's" speech, Trump was allowed to "vet" the audience.  In other words, if you can't get an erection lasting for more than four hours when someone yells "Trump!" or "Lock Her UP!," then you can't get in. (That same rule applied for the ladies, so you know the ones there REALLY love him).

It must be nice to be able to throw yourself a party and hire fans whenever you feel like the new kids don't like you. Keeping in theme with today's borderline sexism...

A federal judge in Hawaii stayed the enforcement of Trump's latest attempt to do something.  The 2nd travel ban was set to go into effect today.  It's not.  Instead, it's back to the courts: Here's all you need to know about what happened yesterday (or at least, all you'll hear from me).

1. The Judge granted the stay, focusing on Trump's violation of the Establishment Clause.  Based on what Trump said on the campaign, what he said as president, and what his administration and surrogates have said, the Judge found that there is a likelihood that the plaintiff's argument that the ban violates the clause (i.e., it's a religious ban), has merit and will ultimately prevail.

2. This is different then the 9th Circuit's ruling on the first ban, which largely focused on technical issues.  

3. 5 Republican Judges on the 9th circuit made the unusual move of writing a letter that said, "As big a dick as the president is, we think Hawaii is a bit off base here."  

4. When the case goes to the Circuit Court of Appeals, three judges will be randomly assigned to hear it.  If these guys show up, it looks pretty good for Trump. 

5. Yesterday, at approximately 8:40 p.m., three white house attorneys dropped dead from brain embolisms when Trump told cheering fans that the second ban was only a watered down version of the first, and that he shouldn't have listened to "his people" and instead gone ahead and fought for the first ban. He went on to say the ruling makes "us" look weak (by "us," he meant him), and then he threatened to dismantle the 9th Circuit.  Trump used uncle Ralph's words again.  That could hurt him with the appeal, where the states' attorney general is going to argue that the intent behind the ban violates the Constitution.  In other words, Trump again made his intent known last night.

6. Our own DHS has issued two reports that say Trump's travel ban will do little, if anything, to increase national security.  First, because most terrorists from foreign countries become brainwashed years after entering our country. In other words, they aren't bad dudes when they get here.  Second, reports state that banning a person based on country of origin is ineffective.  a/k/a, it doesn't work.

The White House sent a memo to Sec. of State, Rex Tillerson, denying his request for four tickets to the premiere of the upcoming Power Rangers movie.  "It's just not in the budget."

Before I lampoon the budget, it's important to understand that Trump's budget isn't going to pass.  Presidents' budgets rarely do.  And this one has about as much chance of passing as that kidney stone that has been plaguing Newt Gingrich for decades. 

The bare bones of the proposed $1.1 trillion budget call for a $54 billion increase to the military, and $54 billion in cuts to the State Department (Russia already sent the 'thank you note'), HUD, EPA and the killing of various federal programs. 

By cutting the State Department's jugular, we almost guaranty that the increased military spending will be needed.  The reason for this is simple.  When you remove a diplomat, you better add a bullet.  Because if we can't cool things down with diplomacy, we will have to settle them with blood.  If you think Club Med runner-ups like Afghanistan, Iran, and Iraq are a mess now.  Just wait until Trump gets through with the State Dept. 

Rex Tillerson defended the proposed cuts to his State Department, because he is obviously a great fiscal patriot. I mean, why else would the head of any department light up like a Christmas - I mean, Holiday - tree at the news that his budget was being slashed?

The immediate effects of slashing Rex's petty cash, will be pulling funding to the UN.  Specifically, as it relates to climate change programs, peacekeeping forces and a variety of other international efforts.  

This would dovetail nicely with Trump's "Fortress America" attitude.  I mean, why get involved in world affairs, if you aren't going to shoot someone?  U.S. citizens are free to agree or disagree with this worldview.  But don't forget, there's one shirtless guy on a Shetland pony who gets a hard-on every time he hears Rex shut his mouth.
"Do you watch "the Americans?" I LOVE that show!"

The EPA is losing the "P" in Trump's budget.  It will no longer be able to even pretend to protect the environment.  No more international climate change programs, no more climate change research (because we all know climate change is a hoax), and no more Clean Power Program. 

So, if you work at the EPA, get that resume updated.  I hear one or two coal plants might be hiring.  

Oh yeah, and Flint. Remember Flint?

No.  We're paying for it.  We're not sure how much it's going to cost, but Trump is asking for a total of about 4 billion for starters.  4 billion may sound like a lot of money, but Legos aren't as cheap as they used to me.  If the wall is going to be made out of anything other than Legos, it will cost a bit more.  Maybe 40 billion more.  Maybe 100 billion more.  But more. Plus maintenance and I assume, plus hiring people to stand there.  Although, like those coal and manufacturing jobs Trump keeps promising, a lot of those jobs can probably be done with robots. 

$4,000,000,000 for a border appetizer.  And that doesn't even come with water.  Just ask the people in Flint, MI.

Once upon a time, Trump tweeted that Obama was a SICK man, and that Trump had just found out that Obama had wire tapp him. Trump said this was McCarthyism and Watergate and Indiana Jones & the Crystal Skull, all rolled up into one. He said a good lawyer would have a field day with this, AND Schwartzenegger destroyed the Apprentice!

Now he's saying wire tapping means a lot of things, and he thinks we're going to see some interesting things in the next few weeks.  That's what he told Foxy friend, Tucker Carlson.

The House Intelligence Committee, Attorney General Jeb Sessions and everyone else other than uncle Ralph, said yesterday that they have seen no such evidence of wiretapping.  Jeb even said he never discussed this issue with Trump.  That means Trump got his information from somewhere outside of the DOJ.  Where?

From reading a newspaper and watching a commentary on Fox News.  This is no longer speculation.  Trump admitted as much last night during his Tucker Carlson circle jerk (again, so lonely he couldn't find a third). 

Again. The Justice Department has indicted four Russian spies in the hacking of 500,000,000 yahoo accounts.  That's a big deal.  Before, we had 17 intelligence agencies saying Russia hacked our election.  That was enough for president Obama to impose sanctions on the oligarchy.  Now we have an actual indictment against Russian operatives.  It's unrelated to any allegation of Trump collusion with Russia.  But it is certainly related to Russia's continued and successful acts of aggression against the U.S. via cyber warfare.

What will Trump do about it?  I have no idea.  But if he does something, or does nothing, we will all be suspicious.  Suspicious of Trump's motivation behind anything he does concerning Russia.  And rightly so.  Until he releases his tax returns and until we learn what investigations, if any, are ongoing regarding our president and Putin, how can any one of us, other than uncle Ralph ("FAKE NEWS!"), not be suspicious of the president's motivations.  

Also, Russia is apparently moving troops to the Egyptian/Libya border.  They are extending their influence in Africa and the mid-east.  This is a real threat.  If only we had a real State Department to take a look at the problem.

It's 10:30 a.m.
Good Morning!

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