Thursday, March 23, 2017

DAY 63: STAY HEALTHY OR ELSE! The First 144K Minutes of Trump

Welcome to SPLINKERNEWSMAX, the news blog that isn't afraid to say what others have said, after making sure no one got in trouble for saying it.  SplinkerNewsMax is not owned by any major media corporation, although we are willing to entertain offers.

Keep your eyes open for my upcoming book "144k: The first 144,000 Fun-Filled Minutes of Trump." (Title a work in progress and copyrighted, patent pending;  reuse of this title or anything contained herein may result in tiny twinges of guilt.)

DAY 63: Donald Trump still has not released his tax returns, although the likelihood of doing so via subpoena increased quite a bit since yesterday.


It was a dark and stormy night, sometime in the early eighties.  I was sitting in my hunky-dory friend, Joanne Sachs bedroom.  One thing led to another, and well, we started talking about a book she was reading for class. (Get your minds out of the gutter!)  

Unlike almost any other straight college man in America, I actually paid attention to what she was saying.  I don't remember the title (It was about 35 years ago and I'm not THAT nerdy), but the story took place in the future and it was about people dying from a disease called "information sickness." They were exposed to so much information in the future, that some ended up convulsing in the streets.  That book might just be the most prophetic bit of writing since Trump's declaration that he is the new Oracle for the 21st century (more on that later).  

I believe, nay, I KNOW, we are living in that forgotten book.  Admittedly, I remember there being something about a sentient dolphin that mates with one of the characters, so it's a bit of hit and miss. But you get the idea.

I want to help you in the fight against information sickness.  I cover a lot of issues in this blog, and the book will delve into them a lot more.  Just writing this blog is proving to be an overwhelming task.  Sometimes it takes me almost a half hour! I imagine reading all of it, plus reading real news, is also overwhelming.  So let me help.  If you feel like you're losing the plot, just remember...

Every single thing Trump and his surrogates do from this point on will be intentionally designed to distract the world from his collusion with Russia.


ISIS has claimed responsibility for yesterdays terrorist attack that left at least five people dead in front of Britain's Parliament. Fuck ISIS.  I hate them.  I know that's a bold political stance, but it's true. Life is full of shit storms and ISIS is one of those storms.  My heart goes out to the victims and the families.

Among other things, yesterday's attack was a brutal reminder that our president promised to end ISIS "very, very quickly." How was he going to do this? He had a SECRET PLAN.  What kind of plan can defeat a man with a truck and a knife, we don't know yet.  Because the plan is SO SECRET, that we can't even tell our allies.


SPOILER ALERT: We will continue to do what Obama did: use military force; identify and intercept (a/k/a drone strike) terrorist fighters who go to Syria from other countries; target ISIS's finances; work to counter ISIS propaganda (something Trump is failing miserably at); and stabilize any place that ISIS is forced to abandon. 
SNAPPLE FACT: Safe Zones require a much larger military presence and they increase the possibility of a clash with Trump's Russian friends, who have been having several sleepover's at Assad's Mom's.  
Trump's secret plan so far seems to be keep doing what Obama did.  The fact is, Trump is already failing in keeping a promise that was a pillar of his campaign - taking immediate steps to defeat ISIS and to do it quickly and bigly.
I apologize in advance for dwelling on this.  I know we talk about it every day, but that is only because a lot of shit happens regarding Russia every day.  You think I don't want to simply double up on Xanax and watch "Miracle on Ice?"  (Suck on that, Russia!)  
ReMember berries!
In the last 24 hours, we learned:
1. Trump's campaign manager, Paul Manafort, was paid tens of millions of dollars  for secret work he did for a Russian billionaire. What kind of work? Why, it was a plan to "greatly benefit the Putin Government." 
Manafort proposed back in June 2005, that he would influence politics, business dealings and news coverage inside the United States, Europe and former Soviet republics to benefit President Vladimir Putin's government. This occurred as U.S.-Russia relations under President Bush grew worse.

"We are now of the belief that this model can greatly benefit the Putin Government if employed at the correct levels with the appropriate commitment to success."
                                                                                               - Paul Manafort

I want to spend a lot of time connecting dots again, but I won't.  Not today.  Just remember that there was no reason whatsoever for Trump to hire Manafort.  It never made sense.  Of course, now it does.  

FUN FACT: Manafort generously agreed to run Trump's campaign for free!  Press Secretary Melisa McCarthy said that Manafort was hardly involved in Trump's campaign, but former campaign manager, Corey "Nationalist Suckup" Lewandowsky might disagree.

2. The FBI, currently conducting a criminal investigation into Trump's ties to Putin during and after the election, has information that indicates associates of President Donald Trump communicated with suspected Russian operatives to possibly coordinate the release of information damaging to Hillary Clinton's campaign.  This is according to fake news CNN, though.  The new evidence consists of travel records, telephone conversations and other hard records which are a bit more than circumstantial evidence.  (And circumstantial evidence is not exactly small potatoes to begin with).

SNAPPLE FACT: CNN is NOT fake news!

At this point, anyone who knows anything about these types of investigations, knows that you don't get this much information, without there being a very good chance that there is going to be a LOT more soon. This is a big deal.  Two days ago, I knew Trump had colluded with Russia, but I didn't believe an investigation would reach that conclusion.  Now...

3. Congressman and Trump errand boy, Nunez held two press conferences yesterday.  He said he was troubled by something that he couldn't tell us about, but that it had to do with incidental information gathered about the president, the "not the president," the "maybe the president" and the "possibly members of the President's transition team."  

A few things about this: 

First, this isn't exactly news.  If you talk to a Russian spy or operative, or even if a Russian operative simply mentions your name on the phone, our intelligence agencies are likely to hear it.  If you are me or you, our names will remain "masked."  The intelligence reports will say "Citizen 1 told Ambassador dirty knock knock jokes.  If, however, you are someone like the president elect or his national security adviser, then it is highly likely that your name is necessary to keep in the report in order to provide context.  For example, if I receive an intelligence report that says "Citizen 1 spoke to Russian ambassador about lifting sanctions," the report is largely useless to me.  I need to know that Citizen 1 is Michael Flynn, Trump's National Security Adviser, a/k/a the guy Russia paid to visit them, a/k/a the paid Turkey lobbyist. 

Second, Nunez is the Republican Chairperson of the House Intelligence Committee. That's the Committee in charge of one of the main investigations of the President's probable - okay, possible - (okay, definite) collusion with the Russian government in hacking the election.  The Democrat chairperson is Adam Schiff.  Nunez did not let Schiff know about this alleged information.  Instead, our errand boy ran to Trump with the "troubling information." This gave Trump the opportunity to lie again, and say he feels somewhat vindicated after hearing this "troubling information."  Nunez, the guy in charge of conducting an impartial investigation of the President (Hey, did you know Nunez was part of Trump's transition team? It's funny 'cause it's true!), ran to Trump.

Third, a few days ago, maybe a week ago, Trump went on Fox (shocking) and said he was going to provide information to the intelligence committees that would prove him right.  Gee. Do you think this is how Nunez got his "troubling information."  We don't know, but if it turns out that Trump had this information given to Nunez, so that Nunez could give it back to him, that will be the daily "No Shit Sherlock" moment.

Nunez had basically turned the House intelligence committee's investigation into a farce, dramatically increased the demand for an independent special commission, and basically added a layer to the shit sandwich that Trump will soon have to eat.  So, thank you for that Nunez.

(Nunez apparently apologized to his committee for his stupidity yesterday.  I doubt that's going to satisfy Adam Schiff.  Or Adam Sifre, for that matter.

Dammit.  I'm out of time and I haven't even gotten to the pending vote on repealing Obamacare.  As of right now, the Republicans don't have enough votes, but we'll see.  Trump is betting the rest of his political capital on the healthcare bill that he hasn't read, doesn't know, but continues to sell.

Anyway, that's about it for - 

Shit.  I forgot about the Time interview Trump gave yesterday, where he defended every lie he has told, from Inauguration size, to 3,000,000 illegal votes, to Obama committing all kinds of Watergate on him, to etc. etc. etc.  Read the article.  You'll learn that Trump believes he is a great predictor and that the world should trust him, because whatever he speaks comes to pass.  That's not hyperbole.  That's pretty much what he says.  

"I want to be BIGLY"

That's it for today.  Jesus.
It's 12:11 p.m.
Good morning!

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