Monday, April 3, 2017


Welcome to SPLINKERNEWSMAX!  SplinkerNewsMax is not owned by any major media corporation, although we are willing to entertain offers. 

Keep your eyes open for my upcoming book "144k: The first 144,000 Fun-Filled Minutes of Trump." (Title a work in progress and copyrighted, patent pending;  reuse of this title or anything contained herein may result in tiny twinges of guilt.)

DAY 74: The Don has still not released his tax returns. Other things he still has not done:
1. Negotiate great trade deals.
2. Try to fix NAFTA, the universe's most terrible trade deal, according to campaign Trump.
3. Done anything about the agreement with Iran, the universe's most terrible agreement, according to       campaign Trump.
4. Be presidential.
5. Label China a currency manipulator. 
6. Divest himself from his business
7. About 30 other things.

I'm giving Putin a break today.  As I am making all this stuff up, reports have come in about two explosions in St. Petersburg, and at least 10 people dead. Trump's response, or at least his last tweet at around 8:40 a.m.:
from multiple sources: "There was electronic surveillance of Trump, and people close to Trump. This is unprecedented."

In other words, another attempt from the FAILING U.S. President, to distract everyone from Russia. 

Jared Puts On His Sec. of State Cape and Flies to Iraq:
Why is he going? He brings a lock of his Lord's golden hair as a token of U.S. support of Iraq's efforts to fight terrorism. Then our 36 year-old batboy is back in the U.S., where he will use his extensive foreign policy experience to play what CNN reports as "a major role in the meeting between the Don and and Chinese president Xi Jinpang. 
(SARCASM ALERT: Uncle Ralph, in case you're reading this, Jared has zero foreign policy experience).

When that's over, the Don's batbar will submerge himself in a vat of Gatorade, and emerge ready to solve the middle-east peace crisis, and strong arm Mexico into paying for the wall, among other assignments America's richest superhero has been tasked with.  

As we all know, Trump has focused his attention with laser-like efficiency on Iraq.  Last week he assured the world that the U.S. is doing very well in Iraq.  The president did not let the fact that US military officials acknowledged that the United States was likely behind an airstrike that killed hundreds of civilians.  

With all that Jared has on his plate, he'll still have to find time to testify at a Senate hearing regarding his meetings with a known Russian criminal and bank that was under U.S. sanctions in December.  At the time, Jared was both a real estate business man and a major player in the Trump transition team.  Was our nation's dark hero meeting with a sanctioned bank or illegal business purposes, or was he meeting as a representative of the incoming Trump presidency?  Who can tell? The conflicts of interest our nation's royal family are so numerous, varied and consistent, that we are now trying faced with criminal conflicts of interest. Just which crime was Jared engaging in? The people deserve to know!

Jared and Ivanka have gone above and beyond the law in complying with ethics rules and avoiding conflicts of interest.  Everyone is saying this, so it must be true.  Except...

Kushner has large lines of credit with foreign banks, including Deutsche bank, (remember those guys). Ivanka has a string of sweat shops scattered throughout Asia (part of the Trump's patriotic campaign promise to "Buy with American Dollars!").  

A few ethical highlights we can expect to read more of as "The Family" continues to skim a bit here and there:

1. Kushner owns 666 Fifth Avenue, purchased for 1.8 billion. But Bloomberg has reported that occupancy at 666 fell, so Jared went forth and sought outside investors.  When the Don snagged the GOP nomination, Jared ran off to chat up Anbang Insurance Group of China about investing billions in the building. This would have been great for Jared.  He could finally afford to take that Disney cruise he's always dreamed of.  Unfortunately, it would have compromised our diplomatic relations with China. Only a true superhero would have the balls to engage in these talks when his father-in-law was president.  But alas, it was only last week that Jared's spokesperson said the parties had "mutually agreed" to end such talk.  But Jared will be sticking his pretty nose in China again this week, so who knows! ETHICS!

2. As we know, now. Finally.  After the election, Kushner met with the Russian Ambassador, a Russian banker, and perhaps, a candlestick maker. The banker, as stated in earlier blog posts, was a Russian spy school graduate and a Putin bestie.    

Why?  Why you ask?  I don't know.  But if I were to guess, I'd say that Russia and China have taken Trump's words literally.  BUY AMERICAN!

3.  Let's take a look at Jared and the middle-east.  Jared is the feisty tyke the Don is relying on to negotiate permanent peace between the Israelis and the Palestinians. FUN FACT: Kushner has four loans from the biggest bank in Israel.  That bank is under investigation by the DOJ for helping American's evade taxes. Jared benefits from a business that is in business with Israel.  That might make things just a tad difficult to appear neutral when brokering a peace process.

None of this bothers Trump.  The entire mess can be summed up in the old saying: "Like father, like son-in-law.

That's it!
It's 11:41 a.m.
Good morning!

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