Monday, April 10, 2017


Welcome to SPLINKERNEWSMAX!  SplinkerNewsMax is not owned by any major media corporation, although we are willing to entertain offers. 

Keep your eyes open for my upcoming book "144k: The first 144,000 Fun-Filled Minutes of Trump." (Title a work in progress and copyrighted, patent pending;  reuse of this title or anything contained herein may result in tiny twinges of guilt.)

DAY 81: 
Trump still has not released his tax returns. Every single day there is a potential conflict and ethical violation because the president will not put his business in a blind trust or release his tax returns.  

Since his presidency, the DonFather has visited one of his own properties every 2.8 days, or 28 days out of his first 77 days as president, according to The Washington Post. All that hard work promoting his business while playing president can take a toll on a man, which is probably why he has played golf every 5.6 days. 

I know what you're thinking.  "Since Trump promised to be the hardest working president and never take a vacation from the job, that means that all the other presidents must have been REALLY lazy!"
Right? I know!  I thought the same thing.  Imagine my shock when I learned that other presidents didn't play golf every six days during their presidency or promote their own business every three days!

If you have a few extra hundred thousand dollars lying around and you feel like increasing your chances of getting close to the President, join Mar-a-largo.  This practice is also known in political circles as "bribery." 

At least when it comes to building a wall between the presidency and Trump's business interests. Sean Spicer made a valiant effort to distract us with shouts of "LIBERAL NEWS!", but here's a fact - and it's a fact whether you read about it in the disgustingly, long-haired, food stamp hoarding ProPublica, or if you read it in a Roger Stone "Dear Diary" entry:

Remember that pile of empty folders that Trump pointed to when he wanted to impress us with the depth and complexity of the business trust that was to act as a wall between the President and his many business interests?  Well, his attorneys confirmed that Previously unreported changes to those trust documents now state that the trust “shall distribute net income or principal to Donald J. Trump at his request.”
Billionaire mugshots.

That's some wall!  

And who is in charge of the wall? Who is in charge of making sure Trump doesn't know what his businesses are doing?  Why, Erick and Trump Jr., of course.  As Trump's lawyer explained, this ensures that Trump  “was completely isolating himself from his business interests.” And you can trust him, because he's a lawyer!
His sons are running his business.  Eric already admitted he'll be filling Dad in at least four times a year.  On top of that, we now know, as reported by ProPublica, "Trump can draw money from his more than 400 businesses, at any time, without disclosing it."
Nothing prevents Trump from, say, taking $10 million from the trust, putting it into his E-Trade account, and purchasing a few more shares in Raytheon, and then firing off a bunch of tomahawk missiles before the opening bell.  Sounds crazy, I know.  It'll never happen. 
The only people that know what's going on the with trust's finances are the trustees, Donald Jr. and Allen Weisselberg, the company's CFO.  And probably Eric, who is now an adviser to the Trust.  Did you know a trust could have an adviser? No? You do now.
See?  We know that Trump admires Putin, because he's trying to copy him.  The White House is America's newest family business and we're now a Kleptocracy.
FUN FACT: We could see what profits Trump takes from the wall less trust, if he ever releases his tax returns!
Did anything else happen today?  Well, there was something about Gorsuch.  And I think a few things about North Korea and Syria.  But nothing anyone is interested in. 

1. Iran and Russia are backing Assad.  Anyone who thinks Iran is going anywhere no matter what the U.S. does, raise their hand.  No one? 

2. A barrel bomb is a bad ass barrel filled with explosives, nails, marbles or anything else Assad can get his hands on, and dropped on civilian populations more often than not.  People on the receiving end of these fun little toys often say things like "Thank God, it's not chemicals!" right before they are shredded. UPDATE: Barrel bombs are a new red line apparently.  Let's see what happens!

Hey, Obama.  Yeah, you!  Do you hate God's children?  Why didn't you invade Syria when you had the chance? 

3. Russia enjoys building hardened airfields and other fun projects in Syria.  They love Syria. Syria is the stage that gives Russia the ability to project influence beyond it's borders and into the mid-east.  Russia is not going anywhere.

4. Sec. Tillerson is going to Russia and is going to say stop backing Assad.  Find another way to keep a presence in Syria.  

5. U.N. ambassador Nikki Haley says regime change is inevitable.  Tillerson says, fighting ISIS is a priority, and Russia has said the U.S. better not cross any more lines.  

We're going to defeat ISIS, and we're going to do it quickly.  Believe him.

They have been raping us for years.  But they're not that bad. 

Maybe they need to work on nukes!  China will understand.  The world will understand.  Godzilla will understand! 

I'm just ranting today, so forgive me. I'm too exhausted to make sense out of anything.  Maybe I'm the president.

Here's something no one is talking about.  A hacker was arrested in Spain. A Russian hacker.  Why was he arrested? Who knows?!  But here's a fun fact.  Russia has spent months saying the American stories about Russia hacking elections are nonsense, or a "Ruse," if you will. So it's  a little odd, that Russian controlled television has been reporting that this hacker was arrested for rigging the U.S. election. 

Despite Russia's reporting, the U.S. and Spain ain't talking.  Russia says they guy was arrested under a U.S. warrant for hacking the election, but we aren't saying anything. Neither is any other media outlet in the world.  Just Russia.  Just Russia is saying this Russian hacker was arrested for hacking the U.S. election. 

Why is Putin rushing to pin the hacking of our election on this Russian hacker, when he's spent a lot of time denying that any hacking from Russia ever took place?

The Palmer report speculates that Putin knows the jig (gig? whichever is not racist) is almost up, and he's starting to cut his losses with the first of many scapegoats.  We'll see.

That's it!
It's 1:28 p.m.
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Good morning!

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