Sunday, April 9, 2017


Welcome to SPLINKERNEWSMAX!  SplinkerNewsMax is not owned by any major media corporation, although we are willing to entertain offers. 

Keep your eyes open for my upcoming book "144k: The first 144,000 Fun-Filled Minutes of Trump." (Title a work in progress and copyrighted, patent pending;  reuse of this title or anything contained herein may result in tiny twinges of guilt.)

DAY 80:  Trump has still not released his tax returns, or put his business interests in any type of "blind trust."  Instead, he's taken his children into his administration and Eirc Trump has publicly stated he will continue to update his father on all business matters. This means that every action Trump takes as president, from launching missiles to his golf game, is a potential conflict of interest and ethical violation.  


One of Obama's biggest mistakes, other then being black, was telling Assad there was a red line.  Assad crossed the red line and there were no consequences.  That's a big mistake, even if it's an oversimplification of what happened. 
On my 80th day, I met with homeowners who refinanced their homes with lower mortgage rates (remember the housing crisis?), discussed improving the healthcare system for our veterans, celebrated Passover with a White House Seder, and avoided being blackmailed by Russia!
Within 24 hours of Assad's chemical attack in 2013, Obama asked Congress to do their job under the Constitution and vote on the use of force against Assad in Syria.  Admittedly, this could be viewed as a bit of a cop out.  Congress has been shirking it's Constitutional obligation on war since 9/11, probably earlier (I don't want to bother googling). Presidents are never shy about increasing their power.  By the time President Obama went to Congress and asked them to do their job, one could rightly assume the president was seeking political cover for his actions.

Congress wouldn't give it to him.  In fact, America's most evil senior age, ninja turtle had this to say:  

“The president’s delayed response was to call for a show of force, for targeted, limited strikes against the regime. We have been told that the purpose of these strikes is to deter and degrade the Assad regime’s ability to use chemical weapons … But let’s be very clear about something. These attacks, monstrous as they are, were not a direct attack against the United States or one of its treaty allies." 

So that was 2013.  Admittedly, Obama did blur the red line comment and rightly took heat for it.  Still...

It did lead to Russia agreeing to broker a deal with Assad in which Syria gave up it's chemical weapons.  That Syria lied to some extent seems to be a given.  However, it did get rid of 1,300 tonnes of chemical weapons.  That's not nothing.  

Assad crossed a line with Trump, apparently.  "Many, many lines." So many lines.  Trump responded with a short and vigorous game of Missile Command.

What did Trump's missile launch do?  Well, it didn't prevent the targeted airfield from commencing air strikes within 24 hours.  It didn't target or degrade Syria's chemical weapons.

So what did it do?? It killed, I believe, six Syrian army people.  And it did cost us about $100 million.  It did add a billion dollars of worth to Rayathon, the company that makes Tomahawk missiles.  It did bring some hope to Syrian refugees and survivors who have waited years for the world to take action against Assad.  Hope that the attack will be the opening act in regime change.  

That's false hope.  Probably.  Regime change goes against everything Trump has promised and said about Syria, as a private citizen, a candidate and as president.

Until yesterday. Maybe.  U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley says regime change is inevitable. Is she betting on U.S. intervention, U.N. intervention, or old age? Who Knows??
Reality aside, Trump has said time and time again that our priority is ISIS (have we defeated them yet?), and that Assad and Russia are fighting ISIS, so God bless them.  That's a far cry from calling for regime change.  And it's a far cry from what Bannon voters expect from their president. They were promised Fortress America, and that means no more mid-east entanglements.

Still, regime change might be something Kushner and Cohen support.  SPOILER ALERT: the final winner in the Trump palace intrigue will be Goldman Sachs.  IRONY!

But the phrase "regime change" definitely isn't in Bannon's dictionary. His dictionary is only two pages long and contains words like "cuckservative", "Jew bankers", and "culture wars".

Anyway. Obama's actions (or inactions) led to the removal of 1,300 tonnes of chemical weapons.  Trump's actions have led (probably) to a bump in poll numbers.  

FUN FACT: Assad's Russian backed attacks on hospitals, civilians and about 10,000 other military actions, all violate international law! Chemical weapon attacks are just a very small cherry on that shit cupcake.

The FBI continues its investigation into Trump's collusion with Russia in the hacking of the 2016 election.  I've watched a lot of bad TV, and when it comes to investigations, I've learned a few things.  For instance, if a giant robot crocodile is built by the government has been hijacked and turned on the people of Florida, the government will do everything in it's power to stop the story from getting out. 

Another thing I learned is that the government will always get one of the crooks to flip.  So who will it be?

Mike Flynn is where a lot of the smart money is.  He lied to - well, he lied to everyone.  On his security application, to Pence (maybe), to half the imaginary people shouting in his head.  Some of those lies are felonies.  So the Turkish foreign agent turned Russian operative, turned Trump National Security adviser, is in a bit of bind.  He's already asking for immunity, but the FBI hasn't even offered him a refreshing Fanta beverage.  Getting Flynn to talk isn't hard.  Determining if he has something we want hear is another matter.

Then there is Bannon.  

You think this guy might know a thing or two?  His data mining company, Cambridge Analytica, backed by Robert Mercer, is credited for helping Trump win by getting some incredible data on, among other things, democratic voters in key counties.  How did Analytica get it's hot little corporate hands on this data?  It's a trade secret, BUT RUSSIA!  Fun fact: Mercer's wife is part of the Trump administration.

If Bannon knows what went down, is there anyone who believes he won't leak it if someone pisses him off.  Someone like, say a president who pushes him out of power because he can't play nice with the president's son-in-law? Maybe.  That might depend if Bannon has any experience or connections with the media.  (Insert raised eyebrows here).  We've all heard the stories about how there is a White House shake up in the works and how Bannon's days may be numbered, but I'm not sure Trump is stupid enough to make that happen.  

Then there is Family.  


Or maybe he does.  Jared may have committed a felony when filling out his security clearance forms.  It appears he forgot to mention the fact that, while it was being reported that Russia hacked our campaign, and was leaking DNC emails to Wikipedia, our young prince was meeting with the head of a Russian bank that couldn't do business with the U.S. for being under sanctions, and also meeting with the Russian ambassador.  There was a recent report that Jared hasn't finished his security review, so we can't say for certain that he's committed a felony by failing to disclose.


So, while it's unlikely family will break loyalty with the Don Father, stranger things have happened.  

Oh, and then there's this guy:

World's richest man and dedicated civil servant, Vlad the Ab-haler.  Why would he say anything?  Well, for starters, it would throw our government into even greater chaos.  I know that's hard to imagine, but it's possible. The relationship between Trump and Putin may not have turned out as Putin hoped, but the goal in fucking with our election was always to sow chaos and distrust of the world's hands-down greatest democracy.  Trump winning may have only been an unexpected and short lived pleasure for Putin.  If Hillary had won, imagine the investigations and McConnel and Ryan soundbites we'd be hearing every day.  

So throwing Trump to the wolves might very well advance Putin's interests. 

Then there is Syria.  Putting aside all conspiracy theories, and assuming things happened just the way Trump wants us to believe they happened.  We now have a situation where our U.N. Ambassador is flipping Putin the bird, and our government is investigating whether Russia was complicit in the recent chemical attack that killed dozens of children.  

Now, say what you want about Russia, they love children.  I mean, they LOVE children.  If you think our orange grinches heart grew three sizes last Tuesday, that's nothing compared to the outrage the average Russian feels when seeing that video.

What I'm getting at is, if the U.S. investigation highlights Russia's involvement in the attack, it's going to put a lot of pressure on Putin.  And the world's most famous civil servant didn't get to where he is by being an idiot.  He'll find a way to put that pressure on someone else.  

"Hello, Julian? Take this down..."

That's it!  I know we're putting on a dog and pony show off the coast of Korea that might lead to nuclear war, but I have to catch a matinee showing of Kong.

It's 11:23 a.m.
Good morning!

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