Thursday, May 4, 2017


Welcome to SPLINKERNEWSMAX! SPECIAL EDITION!!!  SplinkerNewsMax is not owned by any major media corporation, although we are willing to entertain offers. 

DAY 100 AND SOMETHING!: Trump still has not released his tax returns. The president and his family continue to be entangled in ethical violations and conflicts of interest on a daily basis, and the media is getting tired of reporting on it.  Or there's just too much other crap going on for the country to pay attention.  As a sockpuppet who delights in being distracted on an hourly basis, I can appreciate the appeal of tuning out.  It's probably even healthy.  But here at SplinkerNewsMax, we believe that

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.  That's the kind of sleeveless first lady we need avoiding the White House.  You can tell her friend's really into it because her nipples are so pixelated. I think that's her friend.  I can't really tell which one is Melania. She looks like a different person before plastic surgery.  You know Donald is ED, right?  I mean, if he didn't, there's no way he'd let Melania stay in New York.  Unless maybe Barron has demon powers and Donald is afraid to cross him. 
Or maybe Melania is a lesbian, and she simply prefers women to 70 year-old orange men.  Does anyone remember what the terms of their prenup are?  She's probably a shoe-in for half his assets at this point. 

Do you ever lay in bed at night and try to imagine the unspeakable things that poor woman had to do just to end up being prisoner in a Persian's wet dream?  It's no wonder Trump is always yelling about Iran. #decoratorRegrets. 

And what is up with Ivanka and her daddy issues??  I don't want to start unfounded rumors, but what if she's in the middle of negotiations in Saudi Arabia or something when all those repressed memories come rushing in?   You know?

Anyway, here at SplinkerNewsMax, we remain focused on the important issues.  Starting now.  Here's the list of our core beliefs regarding the current administration.

1. Everything Trump does is designed to distract us from his obvious collusion with Russia, which, as far as we can tell, is ongoing.
2. Everything else Trump does is designed to use the office of the president to enrich his family.  The use of public office for personal gain is now the Fifth Estate of American Politics.
3. We have elected a president that has difficulty reading, difficulty paying attention, and has a habit of speaking whatever thoughts float through his sleep deprived head.

If you can remember even two out three of these things, then: a. You are more fit to be president than the guy we got; and b. everything Trump does makes sense.

AND MEXICO WILL PAY FOR IT!: I remember when my Uncle Ralph and I would argue about Trump's promise that we would build a beautiful wall that will grow ten feet every time someone in Mexico does something he doesn't like.  We wouldn't just build a wall though.  We'd build it and Mexico would pay for it. 

During these times, I would state the obvious: Mexico isn't going to pay for any wall.  Uncle Ralph would reply, "Who cares? As long as it gets built."  Hard to argue with that logic.  Unless you want to point out that more than 40% of illegal immigrants flew here on Visas.  Or unless you want to point out that if you can make billions selling illegal drugs here, you're going to find a way to get them into this country, with or without a wall.  

But beside all that, it really does matter who pays for it.  First, it turns out that a 2,000 mile wall isn't cheap.  Shocking, I know.  Trump promised that he could build it for ten billion or less, but - and here's another thing that will shock you - Trump is full of shit.  Let's be generous and say a wall would cost at least 27 billion.  Plus the cost of making sure it stays up. That's known as "maintenance."  That's a lot of money.  About half as much as Trump wants to add to the military budget, which is also a lot of money.

So, what we have here, right now, is a President who has broken a 30 Billion Dollar promise to the American people, and now he wants the taxpayer to pay for a wall that democrats and plenty of republicans don't want.  So, that matters.

Here's another reason why Trump's 30 Billion Dollar broken promise matters. (Do you really need another reason?  Okay.)

A few weeks ago, Trump was saying that he might not sign off on a budget that didn't provided funding for his wall.  In case you forgot, that's the wall that Trump promised that Mexico would pay for.  Trump threatened to shut down the government if funding for his wall wasn't included in the budget.

Now, Trump folded on that issue for now.  The budget was a true bi-partisan compromise.  The Democrats got funding for the NIH, there was no defunding of Planned Parenthood, there was no large cuts in the EPA budget, and there was no withholding of ObamaCare monies that were due to the states.  The republicans got money for the military and money for border security - something many democrats are happy about as well.  

For about 30 minutes, Trump was pleased with the deal.  But then he turned on the news and saw that Democrats were bragging about the budget, instead of talking about his historic win. So he went to twitter and threatened, again, to shut down the government.  This time in September. 

So, we have a president who has broken a 30 Billion Dollar promise, but isn't willing to break his promise to actually build the wall.  And when our elected officials say "No" to paying for it, he's going to force a government shut down.  

But don't be nervous.  Trump has promised that it will be a "good' shutdown.  That's no a joke.  He said that. 

Comey testified yesterday.  I feel bad for the guy, but fuck him.  He screwed as all.  And a special "fuck you" to Bill Clinton as well and all the people who were there and didn't have the balls to grab president Clinton before he walked into the plane and say "No, no, no! Bad President!"

Comey didn't tell us much that we didn't already know, other than the fact that he makes himself nauseated.  And We need him to do his job, now more than ever.  So I won't attack him. He was in a difficult situation and he made the wrong choice.  

One thing the FBI Director talked about in some detail, was how the FBI prepares a witnesses.  One of the things they like to do, is make sure the witness repairs his reputation and legal status as best he can.  FOR EXAMPLE: Let's say you were the National Security Adviser to the president and that you were also secretly a foreign agent for Turkey and/or Russia.  That's pretty bad.  Pretty illegal.  So, if you were going to testify for the FBI, they might suggest that you try to address that issue, like, for instance, registering as a foreign agent.  Better late then never, and all that.

So the unverified reasoning goes something like this: If Flynn cut a deal with the FBI, he would try to do whatever he could to make fix his criminal past.  The fact that he's done so, suggests to some that he may have already cut a deal with the FBI.  

On another Russian Note: Former acting attorney general Sally Yates is going to testify next week.  She's expected to say that went to the white house with a piece of paper that said "FLYNN LIED ABOUT HIS TALKING ABOUT SANCTIONS, AND HE IS SUBJECT TO BLACK MAIL" and she stapled it to the forehead of the Trump's White House Counsel.  When did she do that? Weeks before Trump decided to fire Flynn.  What did Trump do to address this unusual situation?  Why, fire Sally Yates, of course. 

Listen.  When the head of the Dept. of Justice tells you that your National Security Adviser is at grave risk to being blackmailed by foreign powers, it's a good idea to pay attention.  It's apparent that Trump didn't care, as long as the public didn't find out about Flynn's lying about his conversations with the Russian ambassador. (When you lie about something you did with another government, that government has you by the short hairs.).

Anyway, if Flynn DID cut a deal, we can expect other amateur spies to come running in from the cold. 

Another interesting tid bit about Rudy G. came out.  Comey was asked if he knew if anyone from the FBI had been in contact with Rudy about the Clinton investigation?  Comey said he didn't know, but he was very interested in finding out the answer to that question.  That pretty much means Rudy is the subject of an investigation.  I mean, Comey wasn't saying that he'd like to find that answer by reading my blog.  (PSST. Comey. He did.) 

In other news: 
It looks like Healthcare will make it's way out of the House and to the Senate. They are passing a bill without debating it or waiting for the revised CBO report that will tell us how many tens of millions of people will lose health insurance and how much this plan will save the government.  Many have not even read the amended bill.  Hopefully, democrats will capitalize on this stupidity in 2018.

Trump just signed an order that says your pastor can preach politics without worrying about losing his tax exempt status. Evangelical leaders are walking around like they replaced the Eucharist with Viagra, and we can expect there to be plenty of court action there.

That's it! For now.
It's 12:06 p.m.
Good morning!

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