Monday, May 1, 2017


Welcome to SPLINKERNEWSMAX! SPECIAL EDITION!!!  SplinkerNewsMax is not owned by any major media corporation, although we are willing to entertain offers. 


I wish it was that guy!  Nope.  I'm talking about, of course Jason Chaffetz. (Rep. Utah).  Until a few months, Jason Chaffetz was hands down, the most vicious political animal on capitol hill.  Among other things, Jason is the leading honcho on the House Oversight Committee on the "Trump Loves Putin" investigation.  
That isn't what Chaffetz signed up for.  Trump was supposed to lose.  Hillary was supposed to win.  Chaffetz was supposed to waste four years launching sham investigations against Clinton.  Like the Benghazi buffet, the Clinton hearings would have made Chaffetz a star and could easily have made him the Republican favorite for 2020 elections.  
Alas, poor Chaffetz became one of the latest victims of the Trump train, and the poor slob ended up trying to derail investigations into the crimes committed by the leader of his party.  That sucks for Chaffetz.

A few weeks ago, things started heating up on the Russian Front. We found out that Michael Flynn was seeking immunity, then that the Dept. of Defense had specifically warned him about taking foreign money. Sally Yates, the person who apparently first warned the Trump transition team that Flynn was subject to blackmail by foreign powers, was getting ready to testify (Tomorrow!).  Then we learn about a 5th investigation into Flynn by the DOD.  Then we learned that Pence, Trump, and Sessions all lied and continue to lie about when they knew Flynn was bad mojo.  For openers, there was a letter from Congress to Pence dated November 11, calling Flynn's conflicts and possible (definite) criminal conduct into question.  Then Trump, Spicer and Sessions got nervous last week and started singing the GOP song that's been number 1 on the hit parade for 8 years running, "BLAME OBAMA!"  The latest chorus of this song goes something like "We didn't vet him, Obama did. Baby, baby, baby."  

But, oops, they must have forgotten that Obama had fired Flynn. And they must have forgotten that they had been notified about Flynn's problem two months before inauguration.  And they must have forgotten that the news was reporting on Flynn issues months and months before that.  And finally, they must have forgotten that they did, in fact, vet Flynn, and decided to bring him on as National Security Advisor anyway!

I believe the phrase you are looking for is "Holy Shit!"

Through all of this, poor Jason was expected to deflect, distract and stall.  But Jason knows what is what on Capitol Hill.  And deflecting for Trump in 2017 is guaranteed to come back and bite you on the ass by 2020, at the friggin latest. 

Think of Trump as a giant Cheeto, and Chaffetz as a man getting ready for a black tie wedding.  Who wants to touch a Cheeto when their wearing a tux, right?

So Chaffetz decided to gnaw off his own foot in order to escape the toxin that is our president. 

1.  A few weeks ago, he tells the world, out of the blue, that he won't run again.

2.  The next day he tweets that he may not finish his term.  Then deletes it (I think)

3. The next day he announces he's looking for work in the private sector.

4. A few days later he remembers he has a foot emergency that has been ongoing for about 12 years, and tells the world that he has to leave for a month to get it taken care of.  He even posts a picture of his fuckin foot x-ray in case people don't believe him. That's like me bringing in a bag of snot to show my boss the day after I call in sick.  Protest too much?  For anyone with a foot fetish, CLICK HERE!

And now for the weird part.  Jason, like Freddy and Michel, keeps coming back.  Four days after surgery on his little piggies, he's expected back! Yay!

Why is he coming back?  Who knows?  Maybe he's coming back to help the GOP pass the lasted TrumpCare abortion.  I almost hope that's the reason.  A Congressman returning from covered medical treatment for pre-existing condition, just to stop people with pre-existing conditions from getting healthcare... I mean, I know it sucks, but I live for irony!

I don't know.  There's something really screwy going on with this guy.  The left wing nutters are saying Russia's blackmailing him, but I doubt it's that black and white.  

We'll see!

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