Saturday, May 14, 2016

TRUMP 2017! AND BEYOND!

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Last night, after much internet searching and consulting with the Magic 8-Ball, I finally figured it all out. Women only SAY that a sense of humor is important.  But chuckle size doesn't matter.  Having come to terms with having no shot at romance, I turned to politics. And by politics I mean, "Why is he doing this?"

Grammar Uncertain. Ask Again Bigly.


Trump's behavior only seems insane if you are paying attention, or if you aren't insane. OR, if you think he is trying to be president.  But what if Trump's plan is something very different.  I mean, not Caitlyn Jenner different, but still pretty different.

Ivanna play hide the Visa!











Trump has a history of yammering about one thing, while snatching another.  Now, I don't have what you might call 'shitty Trump book smarts,' and I ain't no Ivy League Trump U. graduate, and I may not always remember my ATM pin code or my birthday (oops), but it doesn't take a genius to connect the orange dots.

According to a very informative, but not nearly as funny, article in Politico :

1. In 2006ish, he put up an 80 foot flagpole or something at his Mar-a-Largo estate.  He knew it violated the town ordinance, and knew it would result in publicity.  Mostly, because Palm Beach couldn't stand him.  Imagine that.  Anyway, when he started being fined, he went on the air calling the county unpatriotic, blah blah blah. He sued for a gazillion dollars. But what he really wanted, was buried in another part of his lawsuit: eliminating a requirement that all businesses have at least 50% of their business income from local residents.  Trump didn't give a shit about the size of his pole (for once).  He wanted that 50% requirement waived so he could more easily sell memberships.  Trump's pole eventually shrunk (mazel tov!), but he hasn't given up on the his true goal - getting rid of that 50% rule.

2. Later, he sued the airport for being noisy.  He settled that.  In exchange for dropping the suit, the town allowed him to buy some land, that he turned into some shitty golf course (I don't play golf, so they all look shitty to me).  Anyone think he gave a Russian call girl's fart about the airport? 

Trump has probably sued Palm Beach a few more times - I drank way too much coffee to read the entire article - but his motive is always the same.  Sue for A, so you can get B.

But this doesn't just show up in lawsuits.  For instance, he invited reporters to a big Mar Largo party and left them standing outside, so that when his guests arrived they thought it was a Yuge media event. 

You get the idea.  Trump isn't crazy.  He's just not trying to be president.


Sanity, thy name is Trump!

  So what is Trump doing all this for?  Why has he called Obama the founder of ISIS, asked 2nd Amendment people to shoot Hillary or her SCOTUS picks, shown that he doesn't know what 'sarcastic' means, mocked Hillary for having the Orlando killer's father at her rally by seating a disgraced pedophile (allegedly, but, ya know), ex-congressman in the same seat at his rally, etc. etc.?





Oh yeah, and why has he threatened to stop fundraising for the Republican party; insisted that Russia will never invade Ukraine; spoken in tongues on several occasions; and had his surrogates insist we didn't invade Afghanistan until 2009? 

I'll tell you why.  The reason is, because --

Oops.  Also, he asked his advisors why we can't use nukes. Three times.  And he tried to make killing the estate tax, a victory for the common man (as long as you commonly die with assets exceeding 5 million). 

I'll tell you why!
Oh yeah!  I almost forgot his recent attacks on journalists and the media, pointing at them and calling them 'the lowest forms of life' at his rallies.  Requiring at least one female journalist to rely on secret service assistance just to leave his rally. 

The reason, my friends, is simple.

(and he bragged about the media not being able to understand what he's doing or saying.  don't forget that).

I remember!  Just let me finish this thought!

The reason is TV and money.  There.  I said it.

Trump doesn't want to win the election.  He doesn't want to destroy democracy and take a big, smelly dump in our apple pie.  He wants money.  He always wants money.  Money is how Trump keeps score.  Sure, retweets are nice.  But money is the only number that really matters. 

And he is getting tired of cheating, of pretending he is a billionaire.  Trump is the golfer who fudges his scorecard, but one day hopes to finish under par for real.

What does this have to do with TV and money?  Simple.  When he loses, and loses bigly, he's going to do what all Palin impaired politicians do.  He's going to turn his charade into cash. 
He'll probably have his own cable network or station.

13 million people voted for him.  If he can convert 10-20% of those people to fans, he's looking at about 700 million in cha-ching, easy.  When Donald trump jacks it these days, he's not hovering over his sleeping wife, drooling tic tac juice all over her louie vitons.  He's closing his eyes and thinking of this guy:


BABA BO ME, Baby!
Howard Stern.  The man who makes hundreds of millions by speaking his mind and making sure his mind is always outrageous.  This is Trump's mentor and his game plan. 

Trump is probably worth well under a billion.  That's why Hillary could release transcripts of her speeches to Wall Street, the porno movie she did in college ("Pay & Lay"), and the photo journal of her artic seal safari, and Trump would still refuse to release his tax returns. If he holds on to his core voter base, that's going to change.  So what does Trump do?  He keeps feeding them fresh meat.  He doesn't care that by doing so, the majority of the country is going to say no at the ballot.  He just wants to keep as many of those 13 million happy.  He wants to keep his 'audience,' and he wants to keep them bigly.

And you don't keep people who cheer when you call Mexicans rapists and scream about walls, interested by talking policy.  You keep them interested by talking Trump. 

Trump was grown in a petri dish in the middle of a Roger Ailes, Howard Stern, Glenn Beck, Bill O'Reilly circle jerk.  And what they have given him is far more valuable than the cash he sucked out of his biological KKK father (allegedly, but you know). 

So that's the story of today's Trump.  And I'm sticking to it.