Welcome to SPLINKERNEWSMAX, the news blog that isn't afraid to say what others have said, after making sure no one got in trouble for saying it. SplinkerNewsMax is not owned by any major media corporation, although we are willing to entertain offers.
Keep your eyes open for my upcoming e-book, "144K: The First Fun-Filled Minutes of Trump's Presidency
Trump still has not released his tax returns. Experts believe that the president may have received as much as a 22,000 Ruble tax refund
TRUMP CHEWS OFF RIGHT ARM TO AVOID WEARING JILTED VOTERS' PROMSIE RING!
1. We're going to build a big, beautiful wall, with a door, along the entire U.S./Mexico Border.
2. Mexico is going to pay for it! BELIEVE ME!
3. We're going to stop drugs and illegal immigration, and we're going to do it on on Day ONE!
4. Russia is a RUSE! (SPOILER ALERT: IT's a country)
5. We're going to have a better insurance plan. Every American is going to have health insurance, and they are going to have better healthcare. We have to take care of everyone. We're not going to touch Medicare or Medicaid.
1 &2. It's clear to most experts and those who refuse to watch "Swamp People" (SPOILER ALERT: They killed an alligator!), that there will be no wall. If there is a wall, it won't cost 10 Billion. It will cost closer to 40 Billion. (That's more than half the amount Trump wants to increase the entire Defense budget). And if it costs 40 Billion, or if it cost 40 Pesos, Mexico is not paying for it. Don't take my work for it. Just ask Senate majority leader, Mitch McConnell.
2. In addition to not building a wall, and not having Mexico pay for it, Trump is planning on winning the war on illegal drugs and unwashed immigrants by slashing the Coast Guard budget by 1.4 BILLION. Let's hope immigrants and cocaine haven't learned about boats yet.
He is also proposing we cut funding to FEMA and the TSA. The TSA has responded by announcing that it will start doing "more intrusive" pat downs. In other words, if you fly you'll have grin and bear (down on) it.
Let that sink in. Trump is making us safer by slashing the budgets of the Coast Guard, FEMA, and the TSA. This explains why Rick and Dale on "The Walking Dead" are always saying "Things could be worse."
4. The Russian Ruse! Maybe. But if it's a ruse, it's the most elaborate one in history. A brief recap.
a. The King of Fertilizer, a Russian oligarch with Putin's face tattooed on his thigh, paid Trump $100 million for a property at a time when Trump owed Deutsche Bank $40 million.
b. Deutsche Bank has been fined $640 million for laundering 10 Billion for Putin and Friends
c. The King's plane shared a runway with Trump right before the GOP Convention and at least 4 other times during the campaign and/or after the election.
d. Trump had his campaign team lobby hard to remove the Ukraine assistance plank from the GOP platform.
e. Trump denied knowing anything about this, and professed that he was unable to even spell Ukraine. But we've since learned from a campaign aide that Trump directed them to do this.
f. Michael Flynn, before becoming Trump's National Security Advisor of the month, made this remark in 2016: "Russia has its own national security strategy, and we have to try to figure out: How do we combine the U.S. national security strategy along with Russia's...?" Before that, Flynn was paid by Russia's RT Network, to deliver a speech. That's the one where he sat with Putin and lead a standing ovation after Putin spoke about the time he let a journalist live. Flynn concealed the payment of a foreign, hostile power and he continued to appear on RT from time to time.
g. Jeff Sessions. Our Attorney General spoke with Russian Ambassador twice during the election. He lied under oath during his confirmation hearing, saying he never spoke to any Russian agents or operatives. After he got caught lying, he finally recused himself from investigations into Russia's interference in out election.
WE INTERRUPT THIS TIRADE to remind you that the Russian hacking of the U.S. election was the main story in the media when much of this was going on.
h. Rex Tillerson: Our ghost Sec. of State, has publicly bragged about his "very close relationship" with Putin, and he's received Russia's Order of Friendship, which came with a life long supply of Turtle Car Wax.
There's more. A lot more. But I'm getting tired. Suffice it to say, this is SOME RUSE!
THE SHINING HEALTH PLAN ON THE HILL
It's not shining as brightly as it did during Trump's campaign promise. As of today, Trump has indicated that he's willing to kill Mediciade expansion as early as 2018. Congress is trying to get this bill to the Senate as quickly as possible, and isn't waiting for the CBO report. But when that report is issued, it's likely to show that around 15 million people will lose insurance and the cost of the program will be crippling.
AG Sessions celebrated getting through another day without being fired, by firing 46 attorneys. It was poorly handled and you don't need me to tell you that.
WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT REX
The guy fired his top State people before he picked out his favorite tie. He hasn't bothered to hire a deputy yet. He doesn't answer any media questions. When his counterpart from Mexico came to the white house earlier this week, he apparently didn't even know the guy was there. Now he's heading to Asia, and he's not inviting the press. There will be no press pool.
SPOILER ALERT: In less than two months, the State Department has been gutted and is little more than a joke. That's just reality. There's no other way to look at it. IF Russia colluded with the Trump campaign to give him the election, this is the best payoff Russia could hope for.
OUR MAN FLYNN
He was helping Turkey shape it's own foreign policy while on the Trump campaign and transition team. Everyone knew it then. The media reported on it. VP Pence says he had no idea.
Again, that's just the way it is.
Now that Russia has succeeded in stealing an election from Hillary, and gutting the State Dept., it's the CIA's turn. And so, we have the return of wikileaks. Documents that will cause irreparable harm to the CIA started leaking this week. Because, of course they did.
Trump has already waged war on the CIA and our other intelligence agencies. This is just the cherry on the cupcake.
It is now impossible for anyone who is not your uncle Ralph ("Hillary killed everyone!") to believe anything the President of his administration says.
1. 3 million illegal votes stole the popular election.
2. Obama wiretapped my sit and spell.
3. At my inauguration, there were millions of vampires who simply don't show up on camera.
4. When I started speaking, the rain stopped, the sun broke out from the clouds, and that's when all those vampires burst into flames. That's another reason they don't show up on those fake news photos.
All these whoppers were confirmed by Sean Spicer and other administration officials. So, like the State Dept., the Executive Office is now a joke, although a very different one.
FUN FACT: Syrian dictator Assad said that Trump and himself share the same view of FAKE NEWS!