Monday, May 22, 2017


Welcome to SPLINKERNEWSMAX! The faux news agency that isn't afraid to speak the truth, after making sure no one else gets in trouble for speaking it. SplinkerNewsMax is not owned by any major media corporation, although we are willing to entertain offers.

DAY 122: Trump still has not released his tax returns.  Because of all the news surrounding Trump's public confession that he fired former FBI Director Comey because of the "Russia thing", his bragging to the Russians about it, inside the Oval office, Jared becoming a person of interest in the FBI investigation, and that video of a little girl being pulled into the ocean by a sea lion, who SplinkerNewsMax has named "Donald," because of his grabby nature, we've forgotten about many of the ethical conflicts and possible violations of law that the Trump family commits every day.  Also, the entire staff here has been on an ultra low carb diet for four days and we all have headaches.  But we'll get back to the fun filled world of money laundering, pay for play, and other bits of Trump Theft later this week.
Okay.  We figured you had already seen the sea lion, so we decided to show an orange assed baboon flinging shit at a little girl.  [Insert political joke here]

Now, let's talk ARAB!

President Trump is spending 9 days visiting the holiest sites of the world's three major religions, proving that God had to pull out all the stops just to get Trump out of the way so America can enjoy Memorial Day Weekend.

After three days, Trump was already exhausted.  He huffed and puffed his way through a speech to his Saudi masters, cancelled a few events, and reportedly had to have Steve Bannon cut his steak in small, oompa loompa size pieces.  We all sympathize with the president.  The Arab world is exhausting, especially for a country like the U.S.A., that has trouble remembering that putting reality TV stars with a history of cheating and bankrupting companies, into the White House, might not be the best of ideas. 

So let SplinkerNewsMax make mid-east politics fun and simple for you.  Here we go.


Saudi Arabia is a long time U.S. ally.  That sentence might confuse some who remember that 17 of people responsible for 9/11, came from these guys.  So, forget that bit, and just remember that they are an ally.

There are two kinds of Muslims in the world.  Those we hate, and those we sell billions of dollars of military equipment too.  We like the Sunnis (Saudia and others), and we hate the Shia (Iran).  This week. 

We have no idea why the can't get along, but they don't.

Okay. Saudi good.  Iran bad. Simple. 

Sometimes a blatant message is just a blatant message.  Like how when Trump bragged to the Russians that he fired nutjob Comey and that the Russia pressure was off, he meant exactly that. 

But sometimes there's a hidden message in plain sight. When Trump spoke in S.A. yesterday, talking about fighting terrorism, etc., he was speaking to Sunnis.  Which meant he was speaking against Iran.  Because the enemy of our enemy who lines our pockets for years, is our friend.  

That 100+ billion dollar arms deal we inked with S.A.?  That's another kick in Iran's nuts. Saudi does not need our THAD anti-missile system to fight terrorism.  We could have just sold them the Lucy special, if that's all we wanted.  S.A. might very well need the weapons to fight Iran though.  That's the unspoken message.  

Simple so far.  We have S.A. and other Sunni nations, opposing Iran.  So we sold S.A. another 100 billion in weapons.  

Yes, there's evidence that people in the S.A. government may have played a part in 9/11, and yes, S.A. is the most oppressive regime in the Arab world.  Other than that, however, simple.  

Oh, and we have to remember that S.A. has a history of funding the Taliban.  And it's given a few bucks to terrorist operations against Israel via Hamas.  You see, the Royal Family isn't universally loved in their own country.  There's plenty of troublemakers there who think the King and his brood are corrupt and a blight on Islam.  S.A. handles this problem in a variety of ways, such as giving the people free homes with their petrodollars.  And when that doesn't work, by creating job opportunities for the disgruntled, such as going to Afghanistan to kill Russians, then Americans, and always each other.  

Still, Saudi good, Iran bad. As  long as our Sunni brothers are united in destroying ISIS and terrorism, our relationship is simple, other than the few niggling details reported here.

Except... there's also the Saudi's history of funding dubious charities and schools, who spend their days teaching anti-American indoctrination. For example, in 2001, S.A. funded schools were teaching that the U.S. is the center of infidel power and that we should be hated because we're a secular society. 

Okay. A few little bumps in the road.  But still, Sunni good, Shia bad.  And S.A. is a solid U.S. ally and 100% behind our fight against terrorism.  

Jesus.  I hate when that guy pops up.  Okay, so there's a teensy bit more we need to keep in mind about our ally, S.A.  

Al Qaeda, ISIS in Iraq and Syria, Boko Haram, the Shabab and some of terrorism lesser hists, are all violent Sunni Salafi groupings. (STOLEN FROM NY TIMES. CLICK HERE) Saudi Arabia has been the sponsor of Sunni Salafism across the globe for the last 50 years.

It's still simple.  Just remember: OIL

Okay.  Let's speed this up.  Iran sponsors terrorism against Israel and remains a real threat to Israel. S.A. also sponsors terrorism that threatens Israel, but they don't like Iran.  Hate Iran, actually.  This explains why both countries weren't crazy about the Iran deal or anything else that increases Iran's standing in the middle east.  

Iran and Russia are defacto allies in Syria, both countries more or less on Assad's side.  Iran is also involved in the Yemen civil war, and Saudi is killing lots of Yemen civilians in that war with American weapons.  Yemen is therefore not too crazy about the U.S.  Yemen is also another hotbed for terrorism and U.S. weapons killing women and children makes a pretty good terrorist recruiting tool.  

Back in Iran, they just held democratic elections and the guy mostly in charge, a moderate, won by a large majority.  So that means the Iran deal is likely to stay in place.  The hardliners in Iran who wanted the deal scraped, took a big hit with that election.  It also means that Iran may be willing to negotiate extending the ban on nuclear development for a much longer time, in exchange for further lifting of economic sanctions.  

Like Saudi Arabia, Iran has it's own internal struggles, even as it gains more power and standing in the mid east.  The power shift from S.A., Iraq and the gulf to Iran is dangerous.  Of course, S.A. is also dangerous.  And if the people decide to rebel against the Royal family, it's going to be real dangerous.  Like Syria dangerous.  

Israel is still fighting with the Palestinians, who get a bunch of money from Iran.  Israel and S.A. aren't exactly friends (the press had to make a stop in Cypress before flying to Israel, because you can't fly from S.A. to Israel), but they are kinda united against Iran.  

Meanwhile, in Syria, the bad people are trying to kill the good people (the people we're betting on), and some of those bad people get money from S.A.  

Back in Israel, Trump touched the Western Wall and did not burst into flames.  #Iamanatheist
He's also promised to make peace between Israel and Palestine.  Netanyhau is trying to deal with the fact that the U.S. won't put our embassy in Jerusalem, as Trump promised. And he's going to have to deal with Trump pressuring Israel to stop building settlements. Hamas is declaring a "day of rage" on the same day as Israel's Jerusalem Day,

and Flynn has just said he is taking the Fifth and there are reports that Russia has photos of him cross-dressing!  You can read about that HERE!!*

It's 10:30 a.m.
Good morning!


*Link may lead to authorpage.  SplinkerNewsMax is not responsible for the contents of the link, other than writing the actual books and collecting money for all sales.  Reports of Flynn cross-dressing are unverified and unreported in any media outlet except here.  And maybe my friend Gary's twitter feed.

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