Wednesday, May 17, 2017
Day 118: LATE EDITION!
Welcome to SPLINKERNEWSMAX! The faux news agency that isn't afraid to speak the truth, after making sure no one else gets in trouble for speaking it. SplinkerNewsMax is not owned by any major media corporation, although we are willing to entertain offers.
DAY 118!: Trump still has not released his tax returns.
THERE'S A NEW SHERIFF IN TOWN: The Deputy Director of the the DOJ appointed a special prosecutor to handle the FBI investigation into Russia and Trump's alleged (he did it) collusion.
Mueller is a good pick. Everyone will be happy with him. Except maybe one guy. The good news: We'll get real closure on this.
The Bad news: It's going to take a long time, and we won't be getting a lot of leaks from the FBI end of things. Expect to be kept in the dark on this investigation until it's over.
That's a silver lining for Trump. But it's a silver lining on a giant, orange turd. There's still the House and Senate investigations, the Judiciary Committee, and the Washington Post and New York Times.
Another silver lining is that Trump's pick for FBI Director will face less criticism in the confirmation hearing.
The reason we have a special counsel, is because... TRUMP!
He has no problem in hanging himself. Loyalty Oaths, asking investigations to stop, admitting he was thinking about Russia when he fired Comey (although, to be fair, Trump thinks about Russia all the time).
Mueller is now the guy who determines if those Comey memos make their way to Congress. If he thinks there's an obstruction of justice issue that needs pursuing, expect him to say no, for now.
FUN FACT: Trump had about an hour advance notice that this was happening. I think someone is going to need THREE SCOOPS of ice cream before bed tonight.
1. Comey is fired.
2. Putin calls Trump and asks him to meet with Kisylak and the foreign minister in the oval office.
3. Trump does so. Later, he says ""When I spoke with Putin, he asked me whether or not I would see Lavrov," Trump said. "Now what do I ... should I say no I'm not gonna see him? I said I will see him."
4. SplinkerNewsMax confirms that YES. In fact, Trump should have told Putin no. He should have told Putin "Fuck NO!" Or perhaps, "Sorry Vlad. You committed an act of war when you interfered in our election, so no ice cream for your guys.
5. Trump's meeting was photographed and published by the Russians. Apparently, the White House admits the Russians tricked them.
6. Trump decided to demonstrate that he was indeed president, by disclosing top secret information to the Russians. Information provided by Israel.
7. Trump implied he had tapes. Comey leaked that he had memos.
8. Rod Rosenstien appointed Mueller as special prosecutor.
FUN FACT: Jeff Sessions had no idea this was going on until after the order was signed.
AVOID THE CHRISTMAS RUSH. RESIGN NOW!
Sign the petition HERE!!
(ok, maybe it's not a petition. Maybe it's a link to my author page. But maybe, just maybe, it's a link to A NEW CAR!
1. A Beautiful Wall
2. Jose will pay for it.
3. An Embassy in Jerusalem
4. A drained swamp
5. A tax on hedgefund managers.
6. Goldman Sachs will hate him
7. Taking Barron to a baseball game.
8. Labelling China a currency manipulator.
9. Stop China from raping us on trade.
10. Destroying ISIS quickly.
11. Appointing a special prosecutor to investigate Hillary.
It's 7:20 P.M.